I guess I gotta give you part 2 of my confessions…

picture via Twitter @MensHumor

picture via Twitter @MensHumor

6) I’m not a morning person. I guess this isn’t a major confession because who cares, really. But I have been known to wake up to use the bathroom and maybe get something to drink or a light snack at 6am and get back in the bed…when the alarm is set to go off at 6:30. Then get mad when it goes off and hit it one or two or seven times. I’ll never understand why it makes sense to someone that I should wake up at the butt crack o’ dawn, put my foots in shoes, draw on my face, and make my hair look like, I don’t know, hair in order to go to work! Who invented work? And, more importantly, WHO INVENTED MORNING?!

7) Not only am I not a morning person, I’m not a person. I prefer that people don’t talk to me ever but especially before 11am. And I’m dead serious about this. If you have to communicate with me before 11am, please text or e-mail that way I can respond at my leisure. Please don’t put me on the spot by talking to me. It is very hard for me to hear or process or care about what you’re saying that early in the morning if it is in actual “out-of-your-mouth” word form as opposed to “written-down-so-I-can-ignore-it” word form. Unless, of course, you are a boss or future boss reading this…then I am NOT talking about you. I have no problem hearing, processing, or caring about ANYTHING that YOU say! Or unless you’re calling me to discuss lunch plans. Then, for some reason, my mind is very open and receptive.

8) I am not sophisticated. Really, I’m not. But I fake well. I’m rather green and unrefined. Or maybe I should say my palate isn’t sophisticated.** For example, I really don’t like or understand red wine. To me it tastes like breath. Liquid breath. And I don’t know why anybody drinks it on purpose. I also don’t “get” coffee. To me it tastes like burnt. Liquid burnt. Why would I wanna drink some burnt? And lastly, tea. What is it with you people and your tea? Unless my tea comes with a side of shade, I don’t want it! The only time I even consider drinking tea is when I have a sore throat. Everybody offers me these exotic teas with all these fancy herbs and stuff. But you know what EVERY mug of tea tastes like to me? Water. HOT brown, black, orange, green, or whatever colored WATER. No bueno. I’ll stick with TheraFlu.

9) The sour cream in my refrigerator right now is wearing a fur coat. A bluish purple fur coat to be exact. With green polka dots. Not quite sure how this happened, but it did. If your kid needs a science project on the fly, boy have I got one for you! E-mail me for rates. pict74

10) I just put on some pink deodorant. I’m not exactly sure WHY this deodorant is pink because it was white when I bought it. But I also don’t know how long ago that was. But anyway, it had never been used so I examined it thoroughly and, in my opinion, everything else checked out. So I used it. If my armpits crawl off of my armpits and die, we’ll know why.

That about wraps up all my confessions for now. There may be a part three one day but until then, please share any of your previously unshared confessions with me in the comments section.

(**After reading this post in its entirety, I think it is safe to say that the whole of me, not just my palate, could probably be considered pretty unsophisticated.)

“Like” me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/magnetforfoolishness

Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/foolishmagnet

Advertisements

About Magnet for Foolishness

Resident of the DMV…and my incessant thoughts. Always hungry. Comedy craver. Ice cream freak. Reality TV show junkie. Slightly opinionated. Rarely wrong. Part Lisa Simpson. Part Sue Sylvester. Part Meredith Grey. Renowned chef and baker…avid gardener…pet lover…sometimes liar. Effortlessly forgetful. Always hungry. Blindly hopeful. Easily embarrassed (NOT). Eerily observant. Searching for something. Disregarding parallelism. Chronically tardy. Ruthlessly impatient. Surprisingly affectionate. Unnecessarily long-winded.
This entry was posted in humor, Life, Personal, random and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to I guess I gotta give you part 2 of my confessions…

  1. Debbie M. says:

    I am a morning person. (I love to attach the to-do list first thing in the morning.) But I totally understand your “leave me alone until 11 a.m.” because my husband is NOT a morning person. I will take your post as marital advice! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Great, Debbie! So now your husband has me to thank 😉
      Lately since the time has changed, I’ve found that ALL THE BIRDS IN THE WORLD are up very early and outside of my bedroom window being VERY HAPPY and loud. This does not make me happy, lol!

      Like

  2. Kitta says:

    Liquid breath and liquid burnt = DEAD! LOL, I hate liquid burnt, I don’t understand it’s purpose in life. But I absolutely LOVE liquid breath!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. hermitsdoor says:

    Morning person. I’m awake at 5, when the alarm goes off at 5:30, and tired of laying there… Time to get up. Come out to the country and get a different perspective on morning. Not only are there more things on the To-List than hours on the clock, but watching the sun rise over the mountains is a treat. Don’t worry about us talking to you before 11 a.m. That’s when we come in from the garden or forest for yogurt and fruit break. We’re not big on talking. That’s why I write long-winded blogs. You already read it, so why do I need to tell it to you again? Wonder what you think about the taste of yogurt? Creamy Elmers Glue?
    Oscar

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha! I never thought of it as creamy elmers glue before (it has been YEARS since I tasted glue…like decades even!) but now that you mention it…

      I’ve been eating Greek yogurt for so long now (which at one point I thought tasted like armpits and sour cream), I doubt my tastebuds would be impressed with regular yogurt anymore.

      Like

      • hermitsdoor says:

        We’ve been making our own yogurt for years, from our goats when they are giving milk. Now goat yogurt does not like taste like Elmer’s glue. Ulness you like feta cheese, this would be way to strong. As to Greek yogurt, that is just plain yogurt that went through a second draining process to extract more of the whey. Our dogs love that whey on their food at night. Okay, way too many confessions for you city girls, right?

        Like

  4. Aussa Lorens says:

    Oh ma gosh. Okay I was right there with you for the morning person thing– my boss and I have a pact to not communicate prior to 9AM and mostly in generous from then until noon but no coffee?! This is a cruel world, a person needs their coffee…

    Liked by 1 person

    • I can’t with coffee. I’ve tried, but I just don’t get it. In general, I’m not a fan of hot drinks so I tried iced coffee to give it the benefit of the doubt. It tastes like cold, liquid burnt. But to each her own! Whatever works for you!

      Like

  5. Ali A says:

    I’m laughing so hard at my desk reading your stuff. So glad I found you!

    Liked by 1 person

I want to hear from you!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s