You can’t make this stuff up! – Part 3

pict53“Ladies and Gentlemen, we appreciate your patience. We have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that we found a pilot.”  The plane erupts in shouts and applause! “The bad news is that he is currently flying another plane en route to Atlanta.  As soon as he lands and can make his way to our plane, we’ll be ready to depart.” So now we have to wait for the borrowed, likely overworked and sleep-deprived pilot coming from God knows where to fly our plane because nobody could find our original pilot? Great. That’s just great. I definitely feel safe flying the “friendly” skies now.

Picture from RoneyZone Productions via

Picture from RoneyZone Productions via

As we sit on the tarmac, I try to keep my eyes on the prize and not get discouraged. The LAST thing I need is for them to cancel my flight. Better late than never, right? But not TOO late! The couple sitting next to me is keeping themselves busy by shopping online for engagement rings. Dude is like, “Don’t they have any $100 diamonds? Where are all the $100 diamonds? Let’s find a $100 diamond!” And the chick is like, “But then the setting will cost more than the stone. Do you want the setting to cost more than the stone?” And dude is like, “What I want is for you to find a $100 diamond.” Please understand that I’m not judging a $100 diamond when I don’t have ANY diamonds.  But I’m guessing that a $100 diamond looks something like this –>*<–. I mean, like, that is the actual size.

Meanwhile, in the row in front of me sits a man who apparently was a “somebody” at one time at Delta Airlines. The flight attendant approaches him and carries on a loud and seemingly flirtatious conversation. She asks, “Are these your daughters?” pointing to the two ‘tweens sitting next to him. “Yes,” he responds proudly. “And is that your wife sitting in row 3? She is really attractive. You did good! I’m impressed.”  They go back and forth for a while, all loud and giggly. It seems that they have the attention of everyone on the plane…and I think they want it that way. Finally, the flight attendant giggles herself away. “Dad, who was that?” one of the daughters asks. “Just an old friend, sweetie. We used to work together and fly to Amsterdam all the time. Those were the days…the good ole days,” he says with a long, deep sigh. Um. Y’all used to kick it in Amsterdam? Okay. There are so many places I could go with this, but I’ll leave it alone. (Later in the flight I notice that she’s bringing them all the fancy snacks like the Cape Cod potato chips while the rest of us get that little bag of Delta peanuts…but whatevs.)

So back to the couple sitting next to me, they are clearly makin’ UP from the earlier tiff they had because now they are makin’ OUT. MAN, WHO JUST MAKES OUT ON A PLANE AT A TIME LIKE THIS?! Sittin’ beside me? What did I do to deserve this? I just wanna get to Memphis, that’s all.

The pilot arrives right in the nick of time to end all the kissy faces and flirting. We take off and land without incident. The party and all the drama leading up to the party is a story within itself. But I think this trilogy has been long enough! We pull off the surprise, the party is a success, and my Mom is thrilled! Other than the fact that on the way back they cancel my flight into Raleigh-Durham, book me on a flight to Atlanta (again), then change their mind and switch me back to the Raleigh Durham flight, the return trip is rather uneventful.

Alexandria–>Baltimore–>Cincinatti–>Atlanta–>Memphis–>Jackson–>Memphis–>Raleigh-Durham–>Atlanta–>Raleigh-Durham–>Baltimore–>Alexandria. WHEW!


About Magnet for Foolishness

Resident of the DMV…and my incessant thoughts. Always hungry. Comedy craver. Ice cream freak. Reality TV show junkie. Slightly opinionated. Rarely wrong. Part Lisa Simpson. Part Sue Sylvester. Part Meredith Grey. Renowned chef and baker…avid gardener…pet lover…sometimes liar. Effortlessly forgetful. Always hungry. Blindly hopeful. Easily embarrassed (NOT). Eerily observant. Searching for something. Disregarding parallelism. Chronically tardy. Ruthlessly impatient. Surprisingly affectionate. Unnecessarily long-winded.
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12 Responses to You can’t make this stuff up! – Part 3

  1. PinotNinja says:

    How did you end up with a ticket on the flying asylum?! And I cannot believe you kept your mouth shut. Between the making out, the cheap-ass wannabe fiance, and the awkward let’s remember the old times in front of my daughters banter, I definitely would not have been able to keep myself from a lot of sarcastic stage whispers. You deserve a humanitarian award for your restraint!


    • Haha! Thank you for feeling my pain. Honestly, there was not much I could say at the time because I was in such shock that all this crazy stuff KEPT happening, I was speechless! I grabbed a pen and started writing everything down so I wouldn’t forget it.


  2. rp1496 says:

    Where does one find a $100 diamond??? Then the question in my mind is “Would I marry someone that is insistent upon a $100 diamond?” I mean really, you go to a restaurant for the rest of your life and he insists that you get the $5 fish…that can’t be life!


  3. I actually googled “$100 diamond” when I was preparing this post. All the images were basically of “diamond dust” which is a term I’ve heard some of my associates use before but didn’t know what it was.


  4. Lolita Ratchford says:

    Hi Sonya How’ve you been?  Last year was an interesting and challenging year, am looking forward to good blessings for the coming months of this year.   Hope you’re well. Lolita



  5. Kitta says:

    Does a $100 diamond even exist? And why is she helping him find her engagement ring? I mean it’s okay to walk by a jewelry store and casually comment on a ring you like, but I’m helping you shop for a $100 diamond, trying to lower my taste ALL the way to the bottom??? BOY BYE! LOL


  6. El Guapo says:

    That’s why the good lord done gave us mp3 players and battery packs.
    I don’t hate flying, but I really love debarking at the end.


  7. hermitsdoor says:

    Yes, some people do want audiences to their private affairs.


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