The trip started with me ripping one of the wheels off my suitcase. I was getting on the shuttle bus that takes you from the airport parking lot to the terminal. As I was lifting the suitcase onto the bus, the wheel got caught on the bus. I hadn’t even made it to the terminal yet and my suitcase was already torn up! Me and suitcases don’t get along. I tore up my last suitcase on the way to Vegas and vowed that if I made it through that trip and back, I’d get another as soon as I returned home. I lied. And a couple months later when I was headed to New Orleans, that suitcase tore ALL THE WAY UP. Like the handles that weren’t already torn off were jamming and ALL the zippers were stuck. So on the way to the airport, I had to make an emergency stop to buy a new suitcase. So here I am in the Kmart parking lot unpacking and repacking all my clothes into this brand new suitcase…the suitcase that I tore the wheel off of on the way to Mexico. And nope, I didn’t get the warranty. You know, the $7 warranty that the sales lady practically begged me to get in case a zipper got stuck or say A WHEEL FELL OFF. The warranty that would allow the entire suitcase to be replaced for free, no questions asked. Yeah, I didn’t buy that. So there’s that.
Anyway, I get to the departing gate and they had it decorated quite elaborately for Halloween. I mean skeletons, cobwebs, and the whole nine! And get this…they had a tombstone with “R.I.P.” on it at the gate…it was the last thing you saw before you boarded the plane. WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME “R.I.P.” RIGHT BEFORE I BOARD A FLIGHT?! It’s like going into an operating room that is “decorated” with a big tombstone outside the door that says R.I.P. Not very comforting, right? But anyway, let’s talk about Mexico.
The restrooms in Mexico are thisbig. Maybe that’s an overstatement…so I’ll say the restrooms in the Cancun airport are thisbig. It was the smallest restroom I’ve ever been in in my whole life outside of an actual airplane restroom. I had to make an executive decision about what I valued most in life…because my 60 lb. suitcase (with its three wheels instead of four), my laptop, my purse, AND my body weren’t ALL going to fit in that stall. I determined that I at least needed the lower 50% of my body to fit in the stall or else all bets were off. That was an ordeal.
Shortly thereafter, I made it to the resort, checked in, and headed to my room. Allegedly this was a “luxury” resort (and allegedly this happened at the resort the day before I arrived) but apparently my definition of luxury is different from everyone else’s. I thought it was average, at best. Especially since they used dilapidated golf carts (which there were not enough of, by the way) to transport you around the resort. At one point, one of the carts my friend was riding stopped altogether. We were sitting at lunch wondering where he was, meanwhile he had to steer the broken down cart while the concierge pushed the cart through the hurricane to get to the restaurant! Oh, did I mention there was a hurricane? There was. Out of the 6 days I was there, it hurricaned about 5.75 of those days. And because of the hurricane, no one was allowed to go on the beach because the waves were dangerous. And also because of the hurricane, no one really wanted to get in the pools because who wants to get in an outdoor pool during a hurricane?! So I decided that since there was a perfectly good Jacuzzi in my room, I would put it to use.
So let me tell you about this Jacuzzi…