My life…in GIFs.

For the last few months, I’ve been obsessed with all things GIF, Vine, and/or BuzzFeed -related. I wrote this post in homage to those things…

One lovely Wednesday evening, I went to the mall to buy some perfume at Macy’s. On my way to the counter, I made a detour through the shoe department. I was approached by a woman who, one would think, was selling shoes. But she wasn’t; she was selling makeup. She told me she would give me a ‘free fashion’ if I came back Friday. I’m like, “You’ll give me a free fashion? What does that mean?” Turns out she meant facial.  I declined, saying that I had to work Friday. She said, “ALL DAY?” I said, “Pretty much.” She asked, “What about Saturday?” I said, “I’ll be on the Mall.” She said, “Well, if you’re going to be on the mall you can come up here and get a fashion.” I said, “No, not THIS mall, THE Mall. In D.C…the National Mall.” “Oh. Why are you going to the Mall?” “It is the 50th Anniversary of the March on Washington. It’s kind of a big deal.”

via RHOA tumblr

via RHOA tumblr

“So are you going to be there ALL DAY?” “Pretty much,” I said. She said, “I’ll probably go down there, too. I love D.C.”

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via ReplyingGif.net

So I departed the shoe department and went to pick up my signature scent. The sales lady at the perfume counter said, “I’m sorry, but we’re out right now.” I said, “No problem. What is the next closest mall that has it in stock? I’ll go pick it up.” She looked at her computer and said, “The next closest location is in Pasadena, California.” So I’m like, “Let me get this straight…there is not a Macy’s in the entire metro D.C. area, the whole east coast, or the entire rest of the United States of America until you get to CALIFORNIA that has this perfume?!” She said, “That’s right.”

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via tumblr.com (side eye)

“But we can order it for you…” “Lady, you don’t understand. I need to smell good like tomorrow. I don’t have time to wait!” “Well, we can order it for you…” Whatever, son. I headed to Bloomingdale’s.

A couple of days later, I went to Bikram yoga. It had been a while since I went to this particular studio, so I forgot exactly where it was. I was running late for the class, so I was a little panicked. I accidentally busted up in the kitchen of the restaurant next door. They were like…

via RandomGIFs.com

via RandomGIFs.com

I said, “I’m soooo sorry, I thought this was the yoga studio!  Do you know where it is?” “It’s next door.” “Thanks!”  So I go next door and there is the dude who I JUST talked to in the restaurant kitchen. I’m like, “So THIS is the yoga studio?” He’s like, “Oh, you wanted the yoga studio?” I’m like, “YES! The YOGA STUDIO! Where is the YOGA STUDIO?” I mean, I’m wearing minimal clothing; I have a bright pink yoga mat; a bottle of water; a bottle of Gatorade; and two towels. Didn’t I look like I was going to the hot yoga studio? I could barely even carry all that stuff. Dude was acting like I was coming to eat at his restaurant with ALL that stuff! “Oh, I thought you were looking for the restaurant…” DUDE…

via tumblr (shaking head)

via Photobucket (shaking head)

So I made it to the class ten minutes late, but luckily it hadn’t started yet. The teacher asked my name and I’m thinking, “Oh Lord. Here we go.” I have a special ‘gift’ for always being chosen as the not teacher’s pet. The WHOLE class she’s like, “Sonya, put your arm right here, not right there.” Sonya, bend to the left, not the right.” “Sonya, you see how she’s doing it? Do it like her.” I thought, “If this woman says my name ONE. MORE. TIME…”

via 24 media tumblr

So we’re about an hour into the class and all I could think was…

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via tumblr.com (Evanescence GIFs)

We finally made it to the end and we’re doing our final breathing exercises. The instructor is making us count like “5—4—3—2—1”. I couldn’t help but think…

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via Prince.org

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via Tumblr.com

So as I was walking out of class giggling cuz I just did the whole Rhythm Nation choreography in my head while they were busy breathing, the instructor started praising me on how good of a job I did. I was puzzled since I felt like she’d dogged me out the entire class! “You practice regularly don’t you? I can tell! You looked great in there. I really appreciate your effort. Keep doing it, okay, so you’ll get better and better!”

My head was HUGE at that point and I walked to my car like…

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via Tumblr.com

On the way to the car, guess who I saw? Restaurant dude!  At that point, I felt like a million bucks…but I looked like this…

via ReactionGIFs.com

via ReactionGIFs.com

So imagine my shock and confusion when dude starts trying to holla! I’m like…

via RihannaGIFs.com

via RihannaGIFsTumblr.com

The next day, I went to the hair salon to get the ‘do done. In walks a lady with her son who couldn’t be any more than four years old. She’s talking to him in her ‘how-a-Mom-talks-to-a-four-year-old-when-he’s-getting-a-haircut-voice’ and he is pretty much having NONE of it! She’s all, “Turn your chair this way, sweetie, so you can see yourself in the mirror.” And he’s like, “I don’t wanna see myself in the mirror. YOU look in the mirror!”

On the outside I’m like…

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via WeHeartIt.com

But on the inside I’m like…

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via BrittanyHagertybuzznet.com

All the while, thinking that if that had been me, my Mom woulda been like…

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via Tumblr.com

via Tumblr.com

via Tumblr.com

The stylist gave him a lollipop to keep him relatively tame throughout the haircut. By the time the haircut was complete, he’d finished the lollipop. He said to the stylist, “Don’t I get another lollipop?” She said to him, “ARE YOU GETTING ANOTHER HAIRCUT?!” And I’m all like…

So anyway, that was my life. Or rather my week…three weeks ago. 🙂 What have you been up to lately?

Share with me in the comments section.

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About Magnet for Foolishness

Resident of the DMV…and my incessant thoughts. Always hungry. Comedy craver. Ice cream freak. Reality TV show junkie. Slightly opinionated. Rarely wrong. Part Lisa Simpson. Part Sue Sylvester. Part Meredith Grey. Renowned chef and baker…avid gardener…pet lover…sometimes liar. Effortlessly forgetful. Always hungry. Blindly hopeful. Easily embarrassed (NOT). Eerily observant. Searching for something. Disregarding parallelism. Chronically tardy. Ruthlessly impatient. Surprisingly affectionate. Unnecessarily long-winded.
This entry was posted in Comedy, culture, Funny, humor, Life, Personal, random, stories, thoughts, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to My life…in GIFs.

  1. Torri says:

    Now that’s hilarious!! 😂

    Like

  2. This made me laugh so hard. My goodness, this post made my day. Glad to see you’re still at it.

    Like

  3. I think if I lived in DC you and me would be the bestest of friends forever! Funny!!

    Like

  4. Shondriette says:

    This was awesome!! I literally laughed out loud more than once. You are SO damn funny!!

    Like

  5. But not as funny as you! I’m STILL waiting on your blog…

    Like

  6. hermitsdoor says:

    And, it took you all those weeks to find and copy the facial expressions!
    Oscar

    Like

    • LOL! Sorry I forgot to respond to your comment, Oscar. It took me all those weeks to figure out that it was easier to borrow other folks GIFs and give them the proper credit than to try and create my own since I’m so technologically-challenged. It also took me that long to figure out that ALL the GIFs might not work ALL the time. But I love the GIF-Gods!

      Like

  7. marri says:

    This is well written and FUNNY- I could see your whole week in my minds eye! Don’t know how I found you on the w, but I’m glad I did, you definitely got skills. Thanks for sharing your talent.

    Like

  8. Pingback: Startup Founders: 10 Times You’re Being a Hater and How to Nip It In the Butt | The Startup Couch

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