I’m feeling rather “Aubrey” these days.

Yeah. THIS guy. Image from drake crying Tumblr

Yeah. THIS guy.
Image from drake crying Tumblr

And by Aubrey, I mean Drake. And by Drake, I mean emo. I suspect it’s because I’m rapidly approaching my next birthday. And just like in year’s past, in the month leading up to my birthday, I usually get pretty emotional. I can usually find something (anything) to make me mad/sad/disturbed/distraught/confused or some other inappropriate emotion.

For the past several weeks, I’ve been on what seems like a never-ending roller coaster of emotion. I mean, EVERYTHING is dumb or annoying or life-altering at times, when it shouldn’t be. Take for example, right now. I am *so* upset that I washed ALL my casual jackets today and hung them up to dry, not thinking that none of them would be dry for at least another day or two. Also not factoring in that it might get cold again…which it has. So now I have to wear really fancy jackets that out-fance the rest of my outfit, or a heavy coat, or nothing at all.

I thought about shopping for a new jacket, but I’m scared to leave the house for too long. Wanna know why? Because everybody sneezes and doesn’t cover their mouth! I mean, for realz…THE NEXT PERSON WHO SNEEZES OR COUGHS WITHIN A TEN FOOT RADIUS OF ME AND DOESN’T COVER HIS/HER MOUTH, I’M BODY-SLAMMING YOU! And then I’m punching some Claritin or some Robitussin down your throat. Consider yourself warned!

Last week when I was driving into the office, traffic was so bad that I cried. I mean I literally cried. Like boohooed like I just left a funeral-cried. But my mascara didn’t run though (that’s likely because I forgot to put any on that day, but I digress). I felt so trapped and so NOT in control of the situation. It SUCKED! And I think that was the straw that broke the camel’s back because traffic had been terribler than usual everyday that week. I guess I couldn’t take it anymore. And I know that I could always take the train, but I’m scared to do that, too, for fear that THIS might happen again. (On a totally unrelated note, sometimes I cry when I hear Future on the radio. And he is on EVERYBODY’S song right now. I guess autotune=autocry.)

Also I feel some kinda way about incessant adult selfies, food pics, and exclamation point usage on Facebook and Twitter. I mean, is Scandal THAT good that you have to take a picture of your “sleepy face” when you wake up Thursday morning in anticipation of Scandal coming on that night (post it to Facebook), THEN take a picture of your “surprised face” about something that was totally predictable to me but apparently was a huge shock to you (post it to Facebook), and THEN take a picture of your “chewing face” plus whatever food you’re eating during Scandal that inexplicably looks like something gourmet to you, but looks like something regurgitated to everybody else (and, of course, post it to Facebook)? And THEN update your status to say, “OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t believe Olivia Pope and Huck and Cyrus and blahblahblah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the best show in the history of life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am DYING right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jesus, be a fence around my phone so it doesn’t ring while Scandal is on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please play re-runs of Scandal at my funeral!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m not kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #Scandal #OliviaPope #Gladiator #OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I’m sorry. I’m just not about that exclamation point life. I’m not about that selfie life. And I’m certainly not about that food pic life. Y’all seriously give me indigestion doing this. Like seriously. I think it’s time for another Facebook and Twitter fast.

See. Emo.

I think I need a hug.

And a nap.

And maybe a Blizzard.

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About Magnet for Foolishness

Resident of the DMV…and my incessant thoughts. Always hungry. Comedy craver. Ice cream freak. Reality TV show junkie. Slightly opinionated. Rarely wrong. Part Lisa Simpson. Part Sue Sylvester. Part Meredith Grey. Renowned chef and baker…avid gardener…pet lover…sometimes liar. Effortlessly forgetful. Always hungry. Blindly hopeful. Easily embarrassed (NOT). Eerily observant. Searching for something. Disregarding parallelism. Chronically tardy. Ruthlessly impatient. Surprisingly affectionate. Unnecessarily long-winded.
This entry was posted in Comedy, Funny, humor, Life, Personal, random, thoughts, Uncategorized, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to I’m feeling rather “Aubrey” these days.

  1. morningjoi says:

    LOL! I think you should have a big birthday celebration and turn around all these bluesie emotions.

    (And I totally hate the selfies. Truly a waste of data and time and thumb energy trying to scroll through those.)

    Like

  2. hermitsdoor says:

    No need to manufacture a crisis to feel alive?! 🙂

    Like

  3. Pingback: Do you know the way to San Jose? | Magnet for Foolishness®

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