I’m not Catholic but I like the principles behind Lent. I’ve told you stories in the past about me trying to give up stuff…sometimes I was successful and sometimes I wasn’t. As I told you in my new year’s resolutions, I’m all about being realistic these days. So for Lent this year, I’m giving up…
1) Vanity. I’ve always been a Crest kid, right. But at my last couple of visits to the dentist’s office, the staff reminded me that they endorse Colgate. So I thought, “What the heck, I’ll try Colgate.” But instead of buying just regular old Colgate like what they gave me a sample of, I bought Sensitive Teeth, Extra Whitening Colgate. My rationale was that even though I have the whitest teeth of almost anybody I know, they can always be whiter. I mean, I like to hold myself to a pretty high standard, and what higher standard is there than my own self? And since I’ve been known to have sensitive teeth anyway, this is a win-win for everybody, right? WRONG! Now my teeth are way more sensitiver than they ever were before! How can a toothpaste that is supposed to help with sensitive teeth and make your teeth whiter make them HURT? I mean, WHEN THE WIND BLOWS my mouth has to take cover! No bueno! I will stick with my regular pearly whites and not try to outdo myself. No more vanity for me!
2) Sanity. One day last week, I was thisclose to wrapping up a document I’d been working on for four days. I saved the document, logged out for a few minutes, and later returned to put the finishing touches on it. Lo and behold, in typical Murphy’s Law fashion, IT VANISHED. Four days of hard work down the drain. So I called the “help desk” to see if they could work some magic. They couldn’t. After a couple of hours of trying, they told me that it was gone. So I thought, “You know…now would probably be a good time to cry. There is NO WAY I can recreate all that genius! Yeah. Let me just go ahead and get in a good, hard cry right now.” As I prepared for my cry, for some reason, I got distracted. Somehow I wound up in the bathroom examining my face in the mirror and realized that I may have been overdue for an eyebrow threading. I plucked the strays precisely enough that it was able to hold me for another week! Then I thought, “Well maybe I should cry now…but maybe I should book my flight home for Christmas.” So I looked at flights into Nashville and Memphis to see which might be cheaper. This would have been the first time ever in life that I booked my flight sooner than the day before I was supposed to leave. I was pretty impressed with myself (#novanity). But before I could book, I thought, “I should probably make a big thing of spaghetti for dinner tonight.” I mean, that’s the only logical thing to do when you lose four days worth of work, right? Anyway, the bottom line is that I have given up sanity. There’s no point. Oh, and a day later, THEY RECOVERED MY DOCUMENT. But it was too late. My sanity was already gone. SO GLAD I never shed any tears over losing that document. I like to save my tears for much more important things like Adele’s dress at the Grammys. THAT was tragic.
3) Profanity. So people who know me well know that I’m not a profane person. I mean, really I’m not. Unless, of course, the wind blows and my mouth hurts or I lose a document I’ve been working on for four days. But other than that, I’m usually not. However, I’ve noticed over the past year or so that I’ve fallen victim to peer pressure (i.e. I watch too much reality TV!) Between all these Mob Wives, Basketball Wives, and Real Housewives, the people that I come in contact with the most often have some horribly potty mouths…and it’s rubbing off. You know, as I’m typing this it occurs to me that I don’t know if the greater tragedy is that I’m so impressionable or that I watch so much trash TV these days I can legitimately refer to these chix as “peers”. Hmmmm…*turns off TV…reaches for a book*
4) I think that’s it. This started out cute, but then I couldn’t think of any other words that rhymed besides humanity and Christianity. And I’m certainly not giving either of those up!
What did you give up for Lent? How’s it going so far? Can you think of another word that rhymes with vanity? Share with me in the comments section.
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