I long for a judgment-free grocery shopping experience. There have been entirely too many instances recently where I left the grocery store feeling…I don’t know…weird.
About a month ago, I was in the checkout line when the lady in front of me started closely examining (and commenting on) the things I put on the conveyor belt. She said, “I LOVE Simply Apple apple juice! You know what I like to do to my apple juice?” I just looked at her because I knew she was going to tell me regardless of whether I showed any interest or not. “I like to slice apples and put them in my apple juice.” Um okay. Not exactly sure how I’m supposed to respond to that, but okay. That’s about as exciting as me saying, “You know what I like to do with my water? I like to put ice in it!” But she was being nice. I get it. She was just trying to make conversation. But I didn’t know what to say back…so there was a bit of awkward silence. Which made me feel unfairly weird. I think I finally wound up saying something like, “Interesting. I’ll have to try that.” Which is a lie because even though I drink a lot of apple juice, I’m not a fan of apples. The juice tends not to get stuck in your teeth and gums the way the fruit does.
Same grocery store, separate shopping adventure a week later. The guy bagging my groceries says to me, “You sure do drink a lot of stuff. Do you eat anything?” I couldn’t believe the audacity of this dude! I mean, why did he have his nose and mouth all up in my shopping cart? So what if I had a 12-pack of Pepsi, some apple juice, some cran∙apple juice, some red Moscato, some orange juice, some pink Moscato, a carton of milk, some limeade, and approximately 57 bottles of seltzer water. There could be several perfectly good explanations for this. One is that I order a lot of takeout from restaurants, so THAT’S what I eat and all I need to purchase from the grocery store is something to drink. Another is that I already had sufficient food at home and so all I needed on this particular trip was something to drink. But the most likely reason for all the drinks and no food is that IT IS MY CART! GET OUT OF IT! I CAN BUY (AND NOT BUY) WHATEVER I WANT! This is the same dude that on a previous trip put ALL my groceries in one bag because I guess he thought that was impressive. I had to remind him that since he wasn’t going home with me to carry that heavy ass bag from the car to my house, he needed to spread the groceries out across more than one bag so that I could lift them.
And speaking of seltzer water, stop judging me when I buy all of it when it goes on sale. It can normally run about $1 a bottle. So when grocery stores have a buy one, get one free sale, please know that I plan to take full advantage. Water doesn’t rot. I mean, it rots stuff but it doesn’t rot itself. So I don’t think its unreasonable for me to want all of it. Everything on the shelf. Everything in the back. Straight off the truck, if that’s possible. I will drink it all one day, right? Stop judging me. You make me feel weird.
And the same with Chobani yogurt. I once (prematurely) proclaimed on Facebook that Greek yogurt tasted like “sour cream and armpits”. People have never let me live that down. But that was because I bought the plain yogurt the first time and tried to eat it unadulterated…no honey, no granola, no fruit. Not a good idea for a novice. Now I know better. I buy the flavored yogurt with stuff in it! And Chobani (actually all Greek yogurt) is pretty pricey compared to regular yogurt. So when it goes on sale, I indulge. And pretty soon, I’m gonna try Oikos. I wanna eat whatever John Stamos eats. *In my Uncle Jesse voice*– “Have mercy!”
Have you had any interesting shopping experiences lately? Do you have any grocery shopping habits that would be considered “weird”? Share with me in the comments.
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