1) I totally did NOT sit at my desk at work and turn up an almost empty bag of Cheetos to make sure I got all the crumbs, miss my mouth COMPLETELY, and pour the crumbs all down the front of my dress and in other orifices that weren’t my mouth. Have you ever gotten Cheetos in your eye? Not fun. But oh yeah, no, I definitely did not do this. And I especially didn’t do it right as my boss walked by my office.
2) I did not turn the car around on the way to church because I had a terrible, sick feeling that I’d come down with a bout of VPL. I would never do this. When I got back home, turns out I was correct. Better to be safe, than sorry (and go ahead and be 45 minutes late for church). I bet the Lord didn’t want me in his house spreading my VPL to other people anyway. I mean, if I had done this, that is.
3) I absolutely did not throw this cute sweater that I got from Target in the garbage after discovering that it was a maternity sweater. I mean, the AUDACITY of that sweater! I don’t play for #TeamMaternity! And I certainly would never go back and get it out of the garbage after realizing what a foolish thing I’d done. That doesn’t even sound like something that I’d do.
4) Of course, I DID NOT ask my hair stylist to get a pair of scissors and cut the bottle of conditioner in half before she threw it away and scrape ALL the conditioner out of it because #timesishard (I supply my own products, BTW.) And she totally did not look at me like I’d lost my everlovin’ mind.
5) And I would never have a friend go through a stack of mail with me, only to find a 2-year-old letter from a credit union that I apparently joined at some point, telling me that my account had been closed due to inactivity. I mean, who does that? Certainly not me!
What things did you NOT do this week? And for real, have you ever gotten Cheetos in your eyes? I haven’t, but I heard that it burns! Talk to me in the comments section!
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