5 Things That I Totally Did NOT Do This Week

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1) I totally did NOT sit at my desk at work and turn up an almost empty bag of Cheetos to make sure I got all the crumbs, miss my mouth COMPLETELY, and pour the crumbs all down the front of my dress and in other orifices that weren’t my mouth. Have you ever gotten Cheetos in your eye? Not fun. But oh yeah, no, I definitely did not do this. And I especially didn’t do it right as my boss walked by my office.

2) I did not turn the car around on the way to church because I had a terrible, sick feeling that I’d come down with a bout of VPL. I would never do this. When I got back home, turns out I was correct. Better to be safe, than sorry (and go ahead and be 45 minutes late for church). I bet the Lord didn’t want me in his house spreading my VPL to other people anyway. I mean, if I had done this, that is.

3) I absolutely did not throw this cute sweater that I got from Target in the garbage after discovering that it was a maternity sweater. I mean, the AUDACITY of that sweater! I don’t play for #TeamMaternity! And I certainly would never go back and get it out of the garbage after realizing what a foolish thing I’d done. That doesn’t even sound like something that I’d do.

4) Of course, I DID NOT ask my hair stylist to get a pair of scissors and cut the bottle of conditioner in half before she threw it away and scrape ALL the conditioner out of it because #timesishard (I supply my own products, BTW.) And she totally did not look at me like I’d lost my everlovin’ mind.

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5) And I would never have a friend go through a stack of mail with me, only to find a 2-year-old letter from a credit union that I apparently joined at some point, telling me that my account had been closed due to inactivity. I mean, who does that? Certainly not me!

What things did you NOT do this week? And for real, have you ever gotten Cheetos in your eyes? I haven’t, but I heard that it burns! Talk to me in the comments section!

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About Magnet for Foolishness

Resident of the DMV…and my incessant thoughts. Always hungry. Comedy craver. Ice cream freak. Reality TV show junkie. Slightly opinionated. Rarely wrong. Part Lisa Simpson. Part Sue Sylvester. Part Meredith Grey. Renowned chef and baker…avid gardener…pet lover…sometimes liar. Effortlessly forgetful. Always hungry. Blindly hopeful. Easily embarrassed (NOT). Eerily observant. Searching for something. Disregarding parallelism. Chronically tardy. Ruthlessly impatient. Surprisingly affectionate. Unnecessarily long-winded.
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16 Responses to 5 Things That I Totally Did NOT Do This Week

  1. lol! Yeaaaah…tell me more about yourself.

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  2. stevebetz says:

    I absolutely did not get tears in my eyes when I saw the transmissions from a robot on another planet.

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    • Hey Steve, good to hear from you! When I watched the news this morning, I have to admit, I was a little more excited about that than I ever thought I would be. Wasn’t moved to tears, but I was moved by how passionate the folks at NASA seemed to be about their work.

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  3. I couldn’t possibly relate on a personal level, but I’ve heard that salsa verde Doritos sting pretty bad when the crumbs not only get in your eyes, but also your nose. The crumb avalanches must be stopped. That perfect crumb cup between the girls is another uncomfortable place for them… or so I’ve heard.

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    • I’ve heard that, too! Many well-endowed women have told me about how things can get lost in that perfect little crevice…almost like it was designed for that. But I, of course, have no first-hand knowledge of this.

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  4. Great post. I totally did NOT upload my daughter’s music video to You Tube, but I will.

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  5. As a West Cost resident, I have NOT watched the few Olympic events that air live at THREE A.M. Meaning I have not taken a nap from midnight-3am, watched live events from 3-6am then proceed to watch a live stream all day. I. Have. Been. Working.

    I have not taken an evening run thinking my azz is an Olympian, only to have my cellulite covered thighs ‘make it clap’ involuntarily.

    Nope, NEVER!!

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  6. I definitely did not NOT exercise this week. Thanks fr this, cuts the guilt trip!

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  7. valety94 says:

    I certainly did not spend the whole week working on my blog instead of studying for exams!
    And i definitely was not naked when my father introduced some guests into the house! No, I’d never do that! 🙂

    http://personalbyv.wordpress.com/

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  8. hermitsdoor says:

    I think this all goes back to the Cheeto’s thing, which probalby were the vector for the church delaying health issue, got into the sweater that you threw out and the hair that then neeed cleaning and styling. And, if you ate fewer Cheeto’s you might have more to put into that credit union!
    Sorry, to be neglecting my blog friends recently. Travel has been keeping my on-line time low.
    Oscar

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