I challenge you…TO A DUEL!

Before I begin, I’d like to make an administrative announcement. It has been called to my attention that when I release new posts, those subscribing to my blog have been receiving e-mails from a blank source or from WordPress directly, rather than from Magnet for FoolishnessTM. Therefore you may have thought that it was spam or it may have even gone to your spam folder. My apologies; it was operator-error. I think I’ve corrected this now, so please make sure you go back and read any of the posts you may have missed.   

Anyway, one lovely May 5th, I got up at the butt crack o’ dawn around 10am to go to a Bikram Yoga class. Even though I was a little excited about the class, I was more excited about my lunch plans at a neighborhood Mexican restaurant with a friend after class. After all, it was Cinco de Mayo.  And if you’re wondering if I realize that ordering the #601 and eating my weight in chips and salsa totally cancels out the class I’d  just taken prior, then the answer is yes. Leave me alone.

Picture from 6 gun graphics

Ok, back to the story. After class, I went to the locker room to shower…actually, let me back up. Before class, I’d noticed this young lady that had on a super cool, very 80’s, torn shirt. Similar to the one over there, but cooler. Like something a Fame dancer would wear. I was slightly jealous because I was thinking that I’d never be able to wear a shirt like this while doing yoga for fear that a body part my slip through one of these slits as I tried to get into a pose. Even though the slits are in the back, trust me, I could make it happen! Ok, fast forward to the locker room again. As I’m about to shower, I noticed the torn shirt chick approach another chick in the locker room who was having a conversation with one of her friends. The torn shirt chick interrupted; it was pretty confrontational.  So with about 75 percent of my body already in the shower stall and the other 25 percent still intrigued by this conversation that had nothing to do with me, I decided that I would just stop pretending that I wasn’t eavesdropping. The conversation went something like this:

“Hey Selena*.”

“Oh. Hey Maria*.”

“Are you still with Raul*?”

“Yeah. Kinda. Sometimes. I don’t know. Why?”

“I just wondered. Are you happy? I’m happy. I’ve moved on now and I’m doing a lot of different stuff with my life.”

“Okay, well I see him sometimes, but why do you wanna know?”

“I just wondered if you were happy, that’s all.”

“Yeah, I’m happy.”

“Good. That’s good. I’m happy, too. Well…I hope you have a Happy Cinco de Mayo. Bye”

“Bye.”

I couldn’t help but think, “MAN, that chick was bold! Who just walks up and confronts a chick like that WITH her girlfriend in a slippery locker room?” Then I thought, “I’m glad they decided to (calmly) ‘fight’ in English because if they fought in Spanish I wouldn’t have been able to understand what they were saying.” Not that it would have stopped me from trying. BTW, I’ve FINALLY started my Rosetta Stone Spanish tutorials and I’m super excited about it! So far I’ve learned “una manzana roja”. Pretty impressive, huh? You should hear me say it…that is even more impressive! After a few minutes, I thought, “I should probably put all 100% of me in the shower so I can go eat.”

Picture of Pacquiao and Mayweather from Jewish Journal

A couple of days later, I was enjoying my day off, strolling through the downtown of another city in metro D.C.  I was on the prowl for a hat to go with this dress I bought last summer, but had never worn. Then I got distracted because I saw a Cold Stone Creamery in the distance. As I was walking towards Cold Stone, I passed a woman with a fro∙zen∙yo cup. And needless to say, THAT distracted me. You know, at this very moment, it occurs to me that I probably have an unhealthy relationship with food. (I know you’re probably thinking, “DUH!”) But I digress. Anyway, by this time I’d totally forgotten about my goal of finding a hat and had become preoccupied with deciding between Cold Stone and fro∙zen∙yo. As I walked purposefully, yet aimlessly along the sidewalk, I was again distracted by a pedestrian standing in the middle of a nearby crosswalk cursing this guy in a Fiat OUT! Apparently, he didn’t stop quickly enough for her comfort level…or maybe he didn’t stop at all, I couldn’t really tell. Alls I know is that she was UNhappy.  Dude said something to her from inside his car that I could not hear and she told him to get out of the car…and that’s exactly what he did. I thought, “You’ve GOT to be kidding me!! ALL ya gurl wanted to do was go get some ice cream, and now y’all are about to fight and make me have to watch!” I think everyone else in a 3 block radius had this same thought because everyone that could stop and watch, did. With their smart phones capturing every moment. So I thought, “Good idea. Let me get my phone out, cuz you never know where this might lead.” By this time, the pedestrian and the driver are within a few feet of each other. The pedestrian is accompanied by a male (I couldn’t tell what his relationship to her was) who jumped in to semi-defend the woman and semi-try to defuse the situation, while semi-looking like, “What just happened? Where am I?” So we’re all recording this debacle when two “courtesy officers” approach. (I’m not sure what the appropriate term for them is. But what I wanna say is they are the kind of police that have a uniform, but no gun.) One of the officers walks up to one woman and tells her to stop recording. He says something like, “We don’t need this on tape.” REALLY?? Rather than trying to break up Mayweather and Pacquiao** over there, you’re wasting your time on the woman RECORDING the argument? REALLY?!” So the argument continues in the middle of the street. The driver—who I forgot to mention is wearing skin-tight, fire engine red pants—yells to the pedestrian, “You’re the provocateur! YOU challenged ME to get out of MY car! What would have happened if I whooped you AND him? YOU’RE THE PROVOCATEUR!” About this time, I’m thinking, “MAN! Why are you using big words? Now is not the time! And big French words at that.” And then I thought, “Y’all need to hurry it up, cuz it’s about to be rush hour here shortly and I need to go cuz I’m not trying to get stuck in traffic.” So after cursing each other out in the middle of the street for a while, I think they both ran out of energy and interest and parted ways. Which is good, because it was also starting to sprinkle and I’d just gotten my hair done.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I decided to go to fro∙zen∙yo.

Did you witness any duels this week? Were you challenged to any duels? Or were you the “PROVOCATEUR”?? Share that story and any other foolishness you encountered this week in the comments section.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent…and the fact that I totally don’t remember any of their real names.

**I realize that, as of the date of this post, these two haven’t fought yet. But they were the first two names that came to mind.

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About Magnet for Foolishness

Resident of the DMV…and my incessant thoughts. Always hungry. Comedy craver. Ice cream freak. Reality TV show junkie. Slightly opinionated. Rarely wrong. Part Lisa Simpson. Part Sue Sylvester. Part Meredith Grey. Renowned chef and baker…avid gardener…pet lover…sometimes liar. Effortlessly forgetful. Always hungry. Blindly hopeful. Easily embarrassed (NOT). Eerily observant. Searching for something. Disregarding parallelism. Chronically tardy. Ruthlessly impatient. Surprisingly affectionate. Unnecessarily long-winded.
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4 Responses to I challenge you…TO A DUEL!

  1. RP14_96 says:

    “MAN! Why are you using big words? Now is not the time! And big French words at that.” This quote right here *in my Katt Williams voice* , is going to have me laughing to myself all day!!!!!

    Like

  2. brennagrimes says:

    Two girls almost got into it earlier this week at my work because one girl mistook the other girl for pregnant. Need I say more? The situation was diffused when the nonpregnant girl decided it was time to just walk away for a smoke outside our store. I’ve never supported someone smoking so much.

    Like

    • This is funny and tragic at the same time. I wonder if she really “mistook” her for being pregnant or was just being messy the way chix can be sometimes and TRYING to start something…I’ve seen this situation play out both ways.

      Like

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