STOP! Don’t eat another Girl Scout cookie until you read this!

You know, I learned a lot of valuable things last week and, ironically, they were all about food. So I thought I’d share them with you in case you didn’t already know these things…

1) Boneless chicken wings are not wings at all…they are overgrown nuggets.

2) There is no other use EVER IN LIFE for celery except to serve as a vehicle for blue cheese dressing.

3) There is no use EVER IN LIFE for carrots. Period.

4) Potato chips in the bigger bag don’t taste like potato chips that come in the smaller bag. I know you’re thinking that chips should probably taste the same no matter what size bag they’re in, but that is not the case. I’ve tested this theory out many times and finally came to the conclusion that I was right. Not that I ever really doubted myself. Test it out for yourself and let me know if you agree.

5) If you buy buttermilk to bake a cake, but then only need a little bit of it, and then put the rest of it in the fridge and forget about it for like a week (or four), but then discover it in the back of the fridge and think to yourself “times are too hard to waste buttermilk” so you smell it and decide that you’ve smelled better things in life, but you’ve also smelled worse things, and still want to use it, please know that adding it to a mixture of tons of other ingredients and baking it WILL NOT negate the spoilededness, however slight it may be.

6) Barbecue chicken pizza is so NOT the business (do people still say that?) I had it for the first and last time last week, and I personally do not feel that newborn infant Jesus intended for barbecue sauce to be on pizza…like ever! Marinara or Alfredo sauce only, please!

7) It is never acceptable to eat a box of Girl Scout cookies in one sitting. It is totally acceptable, however, to eat a box of Girl Scout cookies over the course of one day. I mean, when I was a Brownie decades ago, it seemed like they gave you twice as many cookies for half the price. But now, there’s only like 3 rows of cookies and they cost an arm and a leg. So that can easily (and justifiably) be a row for breakfast, a row for lunch, and a row for dinner.

I think that’s about all I learned last week. What valuable things did you learn? Share them with me in the comments section.

P.S. Thanks for reading this. You can now return to eating your Girl Scout cookies.

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About Magnet for Foolishness

Resident of the DMV…and my incessant thoughts. Always hungry. Comedy craver. Ice cream freak. Reality TV show junkie. Slightly opinionated. Rarely wrong. Part Lisa Simpson. Part Sue Sylvester. Part Meredith Grey. Renowned chef and baker…avid gardener…pet lover…sometimes liar. Effortlessly forgetful. Always hungry. Blindly hopeful. Easily embarrassed (NOT). Eerily observant. Searching for something. Disregarding parallelism. Chronically tardy. Ruthlessly impatient. Surprisingly affectionate. Unnecessarily long-winded.
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26 Responses to STOP! Don’t eat another Girl Scout cookie until you read this!

  1. stevebetz says:

    I may or may not have finished one of those purple boxes the other day.

    And I COMPLETELY agree about bbq-chicken pizza. It ruins two good things — bbq chicken and pizza. What a crime!

    Like

    • I may have finished a couple of those purple boxes over the past week and a half…and I may have another purple box (and I think a yellow box) yet to be delivered!

      And I’m glad someone can relate to me on the bbq chicken. My mouth was so unhappy with me that I tortured it like that!

      Like

  2. travelingmad says:

    Great blog! I’ve never tested the potato chip theory but I will next time I’m home! And I love Utz by the way. My favorite is BBQ.

    Mmmmm cookies!! Not gonna lie, I can finish a box of thin mints in a day with no problem! I miss those cookies! I don’t like a lot of that junk on my pizza. Guess I’m a bit traditional. Give me plain ol extra cheese or supreme and I’m a happy girl!

    Like

    • When I stopped eating pork, I pretty much HAD to discover the joys of cheese pizza or veggie only. It was a while before I transitioned into chicken (not bbq chicken) or even seafood-topped pizza. I’ve recently found some turkey pepperoni slices at a grocery store that I love! But making my own pizza isn’t the same…

      Like

  3. hermitsdoor says:

    Whew! I thought that you were going to give a health warning about Girl Scout cookies, of which I have two boxes hidden in my desk. I planned to eat half, then leave the others out for co-workers (If I put them out first, I would not get any). But, then someone backed chocolate chip bars, then came the custard pie… If I get through the whole box by myself, I might feel guilty about not share… might. By the way, celery and carrots are fine by me… Get those Girl Scout cooky carmel bits out from between my teeth.
    Oscar

    Like

  4. blaquecat says:

    The “Not Okay” photo of the empty box of cookies reminds me of the evening I ate a 2 rows of vanilla Oreos. Let’s just say, now I gave up cookies for Lent. :-/

    Like

  5. My sister was a Girl Scout. No lie: though I have been thin my whole life, when I was 11 or so my dad became ‘concerned about my weight’ (said my mom) because I polished off a box of Do-si-dos in a day. It’s not like I ate a whole cast of Oreos; Girl Scout cookies have like 7 in the whole box. And since when did they cost so damb much? Every year they go up about 50 cents.

    Like

    • Do-si-dos! I remember those…they had peanut butter in them, right? Another reason it is perfectly acceptable to eat a box of Girl Scout cookies in one day is because we go through withdrawal during the whole year. So when cookie time finally does roll around, we have to make up for lost time!

      Like

  6. Oreo’s turned 100 years old today (3/6/12). Sounds like a reason to celebrate with a box 😮

    Like

  7. Jackie Paulson says:

    I love girl scout cookies, just like a pringle or oreo’s can’t just eat 1.

    Like

    • Right. One strategy I’ve devised is to try and leave the cookies in a place where I’m not. So if I take the cookies to work (or buy them at work), I’ll try to leave them there and not take them home that night. Of course, that just means that I make up for it when I’m back at work the next day. So maybe not the best strategy… :\

      Like

  8. Sumer says:

    Newborn infant Jesus?! ROTFLLLLLLLLLLL! I laughed at that for a good 3 minutes. I agree though, BBQ sauce does not belong on pizza, blah!

    Like

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  11. Elva Jean says:

    Oh, how I wish I read this before I ate the ENTIRE box of Tagalongs (Peanut Butter Patties) in one sitting this evening! 975 calories for 15 cookies spread out over 3 meals makes it seem not nearly as bad LOL

    Like

  12. Sheriff says:

    I once ate two boxes of girl scout cookies in one sitting. Is that a world record?

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Lilly says:

    The health benefits of carrots include reduced cholesterol, prevention from heart attacks, warding off of certain cancers, improving vision, and reducing the signs of premature aging. Furthermore, carrots have the ability to increase the health of your skin, boost the immune system, improve digestion, increase cardiovascular health, detoxify the body, and boost oral health in a variety of ways. They also provide a well-rounded influx of vitamins and minerals.

    Like

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