These are the things that keep me up at night.

Image via wisdom heart

I wonder why nobody but me seems to have ice cream dreams? I just popped wide awake and it’s barely 4 a.m. I wonder if I told people that I dreamt that I was grocery shopping with my uncle for some Doritos (nothing in the store but AISLES and AISLES of Doritos), would they believe me? I wonder if I run the washing machine or dishwasher right now, will my neighbors in the next unit be able to sleep through it? I need something to do since I’m awake. I wonder why the box that these wine glasses came in says that I shouldn’t put them in the dishwasher…how else are they supposed to get cleaned? I usually just drink limeade out of them anyway. I guess if the dishwasher messes them up, I can use a different kind of glass to drink my limeade. But it won’t be the same. I wonder which is a more appropriate dance to do while I’m washing my hands, the typewriter or the running man? Probably the typewriter; the running man seems excessive. And it seems unnatural to just stand still. I’m hungry. I wonder where I could get some wedding cake at 4 in the morning? With coconut on it? I need to get more sleep…I wanna stop using this under eye roller cuz it stinks. I wonder if I use the under eye roller above my eye, too, will I jinx myself? Speaking of eyes, this chick at the makeup counter asked me if I wanted some waterproof mascara…would anyone ever answer “no” to that? I mean, I wonder if there are people who want their mascara to run? No, really…are there? I wonder if people really use these “about me” pages? Is this another fad or is it something serious? I finally figured out how to get my picture centered, but now I can’t figure out what I want to say “about me”. I wonder what people say about me? I wonder what the proper protocol is for heating one’s lunch in the break room at work? I mean, hypothetically, if it’s taking one’s food a really long time to heat, does it make sense to take a break and let one’s waiting co-worker(s) heat up their food? Cuz then one’s food will just get cold again and one will have to start all the way over. It doesn’t seem logical. Or fair. One was there first! They just need to wait until one is finished…and not roll their eyes. And speaking of eyes, this chick at the makeup counter the other day…oh wait…I already wondered about that. I wonder whose idea it was to put David Beckham in that H&M commercial in his underwear? Whoever it was, they are a marketing genius cuz I’m totally about to go buy some underwear from H&M right now! I wonder if Denzel will truly be a villain in his new movie? That’s how it looks in the commercial, but sometimes commercials are deceptive. Speaking of commercials, I really like this one. I can’t stop watching it on YouTube! I wonder if I haven’t gotten a flu shot by now, if it’s probably safe to assume I can ride it out for the rest of this season? I wonder why all these green squiggly lines keep popping up telling me that I need to use a period instead of a question mark?

What are some things that keep you up at night? Share them with me in the comments section.

P.S. If you want to read something way more coherent, sane, and written by someone who wasn’t sleep deprived, check out this article by my blogging sister from another mister: Relationship (and reader) Diversity: That’s What It’s All About. Hopefully, my post today hasn’t contradicted all the great things she had to say about me! 😉

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About Magnet for Foolishness

Resident of the DMV…and my incessant thoughts. Always hungry. Comedy craver. Ice cream freak. Reality TV show junkie. Slightly opinionated. Rarely wrong. Part Lisa Simpson. Part Sue Sylvester. Part Meredith Grey. Renowned chef and baker…avid gardener…pet lover…sometimes liar. Effortlessly forgetful. Always hungry. Blindly hopeful. Easily embarrassed (NOT). Eerily observant. Searching for something. Disregarding parallelism. Chronically tardy. Ruthlessly impatient. Surprisingly affectionate. Unnecessarily long-winded.
This entry was posted in Comedy, culture, dreams, Funny, humor, Life, Life plans, Personal, pop culture, random, thoughts, Uncategorized, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to These are the things that keep me up at night.

  1. John says:

    The biggest thing that keeps me up at night is not being able to sleep!

    Like

  2. hermitsdoor says:

    4 a.m. bladder check… can I make it another hour and 45 min. to the alarm if I don’t get up an pee, or should I get up, risk waking the dogs and wife, so that I can go back to sleep and not wounder whether I can make it another hours and 40 minutes to pee…. cycle continues.

    By the way, we wandered up your way this past weekend. You can read about our Pentagon City Mall experience on today’s post.
    Oscar

    Like

    • Yeah. The need to pee and the decision on whether or not to do so is definitely something that could keep you up at night!

      I will check out your post shortly. I hardly ever go to Pentagon City Mall, but happened to go this weekend. We may have been there at the same time!

      Like

  3. Me at 9pm – No, it’s not too late for caffeine! It’s just tea

    Me at 1am – okay, let’s take this Tylenol PM

    Me at 3am – Why am I still awake

    Me at 6:30am – great, noooowwww the Tylenol PM has kicked in

    Me at work – zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    Like

    • One solution (although I’ll admit its not a very good solution) is in your timeline of activities above, everywhere you have pm, change it to am and everywhere you list am, change it to pm. That will give you a VERY early bedtime, but it’s a start!

      Like

  4. CJ says:

    What keeps me up at night? My current thought crises- Thinking about what time I need to get up. Did I turn the heat down? Did I just hear one of my kids cough, sneeze, blow nose or some noise that means they could be ill? I’m hungry. I’m cold, maybe I should turn the heat back up.

    Like

  5. Sumer says:

    What pisses me off is waking out of a good sleep to use the bathroom, because once you go back to bed you don’t fall back to sleep so easily.

    Like

  6. Pingback: What a Wonderful Whole New World | Magnet for Foolishness™

  7. Pingback: Guest Post: The Top One Reason Why Living By Yourself Sux Sometimes « cilnblog

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