The obligatory (and tardy) New Year’s Resolution post

In 2012, I resolve to…

1)  Read the mail. Last year, I resolved to check the mail.  This year, I resolve to READ the mail after I check it. I kinda have this habit of letting it pile up. For example, I recall doing a massive mail-read at the end of the summer. I had a birthday card mixed in with some sale papers. Which doesn’t sound like a bad thing…only my birthday is in May. If you’re reading this, thanks for the card, Auntie. Sorry about that…Love you!

2) Figure out a way to disable every reply all feature that exists ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH!! E-mail, text, Twitter, Facebook, EVERYTHING!! This may be more of a bucket list item, as I’m not sure this feature can be completely eradicated in 2012…but please believe, I’m gonna try.

3) Match up all the plastic containers with their lids BEFORE putting them away. Straight out of the dishwasher, matched up immediately, and THEN into the cabinet. Or if I don’t match them up immediately, at least organize them so that when I open the cabinet, I don’t risk decapitation via a Tupperware avalanche! THIS has happened to me one too many times. Good thing they were plastic instead of glass…

4) Get some gas. On a regular basis. Like AS SOON AS the light comes on telling me I need gas. Or maybe even before then. Here and here I told y’all about my running out of gas woes. I should probably elaborate. For ten years, I had a Honda Civic. When that car met its demise, I got an Accord. The thing about Civics is that when they say “E” they don’t really mean “E”. I would ride for another month or two on that “E”. When an Accord says “E” IT MEANS “E”!! I guess I figured that since it was the same manufacturer, same rules apply. It has taken a while for me to adjust to the fact that the same rules DON’T apply. I’ve called for roadside assistance so many times, now they answer the phone like, “Hey Sonya. Where are you now?” “I’m at the corner of Dumb and Ass. Could you send someone with gas, please?” “Be there in a few minutes.”

5) When I do get gas, turn the car off before I pump the gas. Or at least when other people are in the car with me. People are always like, “If you pump gas with the car still running, you know you could blow up, right?” And I’m all like, “But I haven’t yet, though.” And they’re all like, “BUT IT ONLY TAKES ONE TIME!!” And then I’m like, “But if I turn the car all the way off, I can’t listen to any music.” And they’re like, “Really, Sonya?!? REALLY?!?!!!” I’m sick of having these arguments. I’ll just turn the car off.

6) Learn other languages. Or at least one other. I told y’all last week how I wish I was fluent in more than just English and Pig Latin. Pig Latin fluency hasn’t gotten me as far in life as one would think. But I digress. It’s hard trying to eavesdrop on somebody’s conversation if you don’t understand what they’re saying. Of course, it doesn’t stop me from trying…but again, I digress…

7) Remove the words “very”, “actually”, “really”, and “just” from my vocabulary. It’s just that it’s very important to me that you really understand what I’m actually saying. Ya know? We’ll see how well this resolution works out. I resolved to remove “like” from my vocabulary last year and we see how well that worked out.

8 ) Figure out exactly when I’m supposed to use it’s vs. its and affect vs. effect. And I mean really learn it…like not have to think about it or look it up every time. I figure that since it is 2012, what better year to learn this once and for all?

9)  Become a coupon-clipping fool. Goals are most achievable when they are specific and you have a concrete plan to achieve them. So rather than say I want to save money in 2012, I will declare that my specific, concrete plan is to become a coupon-clipping fool. The next step is remembering to take the coupons to the grocery store with me…

Lonely. Since 2008.

10)  Buy every household appliance that I’ve been saying I’m going to buy for the past 4 years. Blender. Stand mixer. Paper shredder. Just to name a few. I dropped my blender a few years ago and the glass broke. I never replaced it and I think the blender base has felt very lonely…and useless.

What are your New Year’s resolutions? Which ones have you already broken? Share them with me in the comments section!


About Magnet for Foolishness

Resident of the DMV…and my incessant thoughts. Always hungry. Comedy craver. Ice cream freak. Reality TV show junkie. Slightly opinionated. Rarely wrong. Part Lisa Simpson. Part Sue Sylvester. Part Meredith Grey. Renowned chef and baker…avid gardener…pet lover…sometimes liar. Effortlessly forgetful. Always hungry. Blindly hopeful. Easily embarrassed (NOT). Eerily observant. Searching for something. Disregarding parallelism. Chronically tardy. Ruthlessly impatient. Surprisingly affectionate. Unnecessarily long-winded.
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17 Responses to The obligatory (and tardy) New Year’s Resolution post

  1. Quite an ambitious list, my dear! Actually eliminating “very, really, actually, and just” from your lexicon is just going to be very hard. Really. 😉

    As for finally learning the difference between it’s and its and affect and effect, let’s see if I can help you.

    It’s is a contraction like didn’t. It’s means “it is” just like didn’t means “did not.” It’s is shorthand and informal. “Its” is the possessive form of the pronoun “it.” Because “it” is such a general pronoun, we can usually write something more specific and we can often avoid “its” altogether. Rather than “Because the puppy whined all night, I had to give in to its wishes and bring her into my room.” You could write, “Because the puppy whined all night, I had to give in to her wishes and bring her into my room.”

    “Effect” is a verb. It is something that you do to or is done to something/someone. Whenever you are trying to decide which word to use, ask yourself, “Is a verb the appropriate word form I need in this sentence?” If yes, use “effect”; if no, use “affect.” It’s (it is ) that simple!

    Hope this helps!


  2. Jo Eberhardt says:

    I think it’s hilarious that you broke the glass of your blender, but kept the base. For… what? 🙂


    • Hey, Jo! I kept it with the intention of buying only the glass part again. I guess it made sense to me at the time that they would sell them separately from the base. Four years later, that actually makes very little sense to me, actually.


  3. 1heartle says:

    Love your resolutions, especially the cartoon.
    1, GTD – it’s, like amazing, really. Getting Things Done by David Allen. Heres a link to my post on GTD Gremlins.
    3. Loved the Tupperware avalanche video.
    5. Do I really have to turn the car all the way off? I usually just turn the motor off (in my hybrid Accord) so I can keep listening to my latest audiobook (the Graveyard Book, Neil Gaiman).

    BTW, Thanks for buying a Honda!

    8. Its/it’s? “It’s a wise dog that scratches its own fleas.” Struck & White. My resolution it to read the whole thing. At least past page 10.
    9. Coupon clipping? What’s a coupon?


  4. Thanks for posting. …A lot of stuff! 🙂 Also, there’s much work we need to do together – much success in your endeavors! Related…


  5. Hermit says:

    I’ll address #1 & #2, as genetic risks. My father is a hoarder, especially of junk mail (personal definition, of course). He refuses to pitch all these solicitations for his money until he has opened, read, and responded with a request for clarification of their financial plans and CEO pay. In response, I sort such requests out first thing and tear them in half. File 13. My mother in law hoards miscellaneous plastic containers — why spend money when yogurt X gives you a top and bottom. She does the same collection process with coffee mugs, table settings, etc. A couple of years back, the children bought her a full set of every-day dishes, with plans to replace cupboards full of unmatched items. We pulled out all that stuff, added the new items for a neat kitchen. We left from vacation, and upon returning the next time found all the old stuff back in the cupboards on top of the new items. My goal now is to finish off one of the six open bottles of salad dressing and one of the four open bottles of mustard in her refrigerator whenever we vacation at her home. Modest goals.
    P.S. I finally posted a blog about my chainsaw. I know you’ve been waiting to see that. Drop by and check out the 1/17/12 post.


  6. brennagrimes says:

    “I’m at the corner of Dumb and Ass.”-I literally laughed for like 10 minutes. Thanks for that. Also, I thought my mom was the only person on the planet that left her car running when she pumps gas. It always makes me so nervous…so I yell at her every time. She says it saves her time. My car won’t even allow me to pump gas with the key in the ignition. It goes bizerk.


    • Yeah, when somebody actually took the time to break down for me what the big deal was instead of just yelling at me, I got it. But I still forget sometimes because I’ve been NOT turning my car off for so long. But hey…I resolve to do better!


  7. Pingback: What gets put on a to-do list…gets put on a to-do list. |

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