31 Things I’ve Learned Over the Past 31 Years

A week or so ago, a link to this article, Survey: Women Most Beautiful at 31, showed up in my Twitter timeline. I can only assume that since this article (which doesn’t appear to be terribly scientifical) was published over a year ago and is now resurfacing, this must be a sign that I should release this post I’ve been sitting on…

Last summer after turning 30, I wrote a “Note” on Facebook called Declarations, Observations, and Revelations: 30 Things I’ve Learned Over the Past 30 Years. I won’t duplicate that list here because I might need to recycle that material one day when I have writer’s block but I will recycle the idea.

1) If you’re gonna talk smack, be able to back it up…or at least be able to run fast.

2) Round-abouts were invented for the sole purpose of making my life miserable.

3) So was the “word” conversate.

4) DO NOT [I repeat] DO NOT under any circumstances put on lotion right before yoga class. This is the only time in life where being ashy is probably safer.

5) There ARE three sides to every story: One side, the other side, and the TRUTH. Realer words have never been spoken.

6) Most home exercise equipment actually works if you use it for more than nine seconds.

7) Gray hair is beautiful! It’s God’s natural highlights. Don’t fight it! Just go with it…

8 ) Jeans can go from being flattering to being flattening in just one letter.

9) If your car is on “E” and you by-pass several gas stations on the way to church, don’t think that the Lord is gonna allow you to make it to church JUST BECAUSE it’s church. He will probably use this opportunity to teach your dumb butt a lesson.

10)  If you’re headed out the door and you decide that your clothes might be a little more wrinkled than what is typically acceptable by society’s standards, you should take your clothes off and THEN iron them. It’s okay to try and touch them up while you’re still wearing them when you’re 30…but when you’re 31 that’s just silly.

11)  While many consider it rude to show up to someone’s party early, it should be considered equally as rude to show up on time. I mean, WHO DOES THAT?!

12)  And BTW, there is nothing wrong with making and serving a box cake, or offering it as a gift or contribution to meal or party. NOTHING AT ALL. They often taste better than the ‘from scratch’ cakes.

13)   It’s probably NOT a good idea to walk while trying to light a candle. You should light the candle before you depart your destination or, better yet, after you arrive. Unintentional house fires are never sexy.

14)  Always, always, ALWAYS remember to put the key guard on when your cell phone is not in use. You wouldn’t want to accidentally dial someone and have their voicemail record you singing the Golden Girls theme song to the top of your lungs.

15)  You can say any and everything you want to say about anybody as long as you start or end the sentence with “Bless his/her/their heart(s).” Especially damning statements should probably start AND end with a blessing of the heart.

16)  People are either very busy or very impatient (or both) and would rather not sit through 31 random thoughts. So how about we cut it off at the halfway point?

What are some valuable things you’ve learned over the course of your lifetime? Share them with me in the comments section.

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About Magnet for Foolishness

Resident of the DMV…and my incessant thoughts. Always hungry. Comedy craver. Ice cream freak. Reality TV show junkie. Slightly opinionated. Rarely wrong. Part Lisa Simpson. Part Sue Sylvester. Part Meredith Grey. Renowned chef and baker…avid gardener…pet lover…sometimes liar. Effortlessly forgetful. Always hungry. Blindly hopeful. Easily embarrassed (NOT). Eerily observant. Searching for something. Disregarding parallelism. Chronically tardy. Ruthlessly impatient. Surprisingly affectionate. Unnecessarily long-winded.
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22 Responses to 31 Things I’ve Learned Over the Past 31 Years

  1. melanied927 says:

    I HATE the “word” conversate! Cool post!

    Like

  2. Yoga and lotion – very witty!

    Like

  3. RP14 says:

    I I feel like this would be a great time to share some things that I learned recently watching Oprah’s Life Class, because this show might be the motivational equivalent in addictiveness to the Joy of Painting!!

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time!!

    Like

  4. First of all, I think I want the shirt. I have a couple of years, but I live outside of the box :-p

    I FULLY endorse #’s 1, 3, and 4. I’m currently living #8 and I’m public enemy number one when it comes to #9.

    Great list!

    Like

  5. Love #8! I’ve learned that I know less as I grow older (I used to know everything!) 😉

    Like

  6. Oscar says:

    Don’t try to recycle this concept at age 51!
    Oscar

    Like

  7. These are all hilarious, but I have got a huge passionate hatred for the word coversate. Where did that come from? When did it replace the word converse? If drives me crazy.

    Funny, funny post.

    Like

    • Thank you! I think conversate originated from a genuine place. Someone was trying to speak very properly and overdid it and created this “word”. I think they actually thought it was right because it is very close to being right, but its just not! It bothers me more when I try to explain to someone (very politely, of course) that it is not a word and that the correct word is converse, but they try to argue with me. They are not BOTH words!

      Like

  8. acanthuseve says:

    Oh wow! I definitely made the lotion/yoga mistake in a HOT yoga class…lol. i’m 31 also, and one thing I’ve learned so far is many people give very confident WRONG answers… I’m like “why did you bother answering me in the 1st place!?” lol…..and the word orientated gets me every time! Great post!

    Like

  9. Christian M. Lyons says:

    Love the unique insights others provide as roadmaps we might use in our own lives. Thank you for sharing yours!

    http://mentaldeviant.wordpress.com/2011/06/23/50-at-50/

    Like

  10. Pingback: The obligatory (and tardy) New Year’s Resolution post | Magnet for Foolishness™

  11. beccawilki says:

    #2, Round-abouts freak me out! I have a mini panic attack eveytime I go through one. We will have to agree to disagree on #7. I love, bless your heart, #15…classic! Great list.

    Like

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