Apparently, there are some things that a Master’s degree just can’t help you with.

One is remembering to NOT end your sentences with a preposition.

And here is a quick list of 5 others that I compiled because I thought you might be able to relate. Or maybe I just hoped that you would.

1) Making double-sided copies of something at Kinko’s.  Please take my advice on this one. If you have never tried to make double-sided copies of something at Kinko’s DON’T. When you walk in the door, proceed IMMEDIATELY to the counter and tell a person who works there what you need. I had to learn this the hard way. I was sweaty, angry, and almost broke from messing up so many times. And I may have created a couple of new curse words.

2) Killing a stink bug that has found its way into your house. Since the middle of Spring, I’ve gone to battle with a number of stink bugs and those grasshopper/cricket hybrid thingies. I own a can of Raid, but it never seems to be in the place where I need it to be, at the moment I need it to be there. Someone with a Master’s degree might buy a can for every room in the house. Or maybe not. They might just calmly get up and go get the Raid, wherever it is, and come back and kill the bug. But not me. I go into panic mode every time I see a bug and HAVE to kill it before it leaves my sight!  So I usually grab the closest thing to me. Last week, I Spray ‘N Washed one grasshopper/cricket to death and Febreezed another one. And a stink bug on the blinds in my bedroom almost got Vera Wanged to death…but then I remembered how expensive that perfume was. The bug somehow got away before I could figure out a backup plan.

3) Determining when the spell check feature might be wrong. I was typing a document and typed the word “rough”. Spell check put that red squiggly line under it and suggested that I may have meant to type “ruff”. So I thought about it for a while…NO!! I MEANT TO TYPE ROUGH!! I was mad at myself for deliberating as long as I did on this suggestion. More mad than I was at spell check for suggesting it!

4) Figuring out how to split the restaurant bill with other people in your party. If it’s left up to me, the waiter might get a 3 percent tip. But they might get an 89 percent tip. You never know. And neither do I, because I’m not good at doing these calculations if my party decides to do ANYTHING other than divide the check equally. But for some reason, the calculating responsibilities usually fall to me…

5) Figuring out what size pantyhose you wear. I hadn’t worn pantyhose in about ten years, but for some unknown reason, I decided to buck the system and buy some to wear with a dress to this fancy smancy event I was attending. Imagine my surprise when I was getting dressed and was only able to pull those pantyhose as far as my upper ankle area. I think I’m gonna write Calvin Klein and tell him I want my $20 back and that the sizing chart on the packages should be easier to decode.

Trust me. It’s not as easy as it looks.

Can you relate to any of this? Have you discovered other areas where a Master’s degree can’t help you? Share them with me in the comments!

In the meanwhile, I’m gonna check the back of my degree to see if it has an expiration date…

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About Magnet for Foolishness

Resident of the DMV…and my incessant thoughts. Always hungry. Comedy craver. Ice cream freak. Reality TV show junkie. Slightly opinionated. Rarely wrong. Part Lisa Simpson. Part Sue Sylvester. Part Meredith Grey. Renowned chef and baker…avid gardener…pet lover…sometimes liar. Effortlessly forgetful. Always hungry. Blindly hopeful. Easily embarrassed (NOT). Eerily observant. Searching for something. Disregarding parallelism. Chronically tardy. Ruthlessly impatient. Surprisingly affectionate. Unnecessarily long-winded.
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26 Responses to Apparently, there are some things that a Master’s degree just can’t help you with.

  1. RP14 says:

    There are too many things to list…but I will say that I kill bugs with whatever is handy(pun intended), I live down south so if it flies and is relatively small a hand clap will get it every time and random cleaners throughout the house. I can pick out pantyhose for the most part but that size chart sucks!!! Its all over the place

    Like

    • The thing with stink bugs, though, is that when you kill them…they stink! So to the extent that I can subdue it and then flush it WITHOUT squishing it (especially not squishing it in my hand), that is my goal!

      Like

  2. pegoleg says:

    According to Merriam Webster Online, my go-to source, it’s ok to end a sentence with a preposition.
    http://www.merriam-webster.com/video/0025-preposition.htm?&t=1307469960

    But it still feels wrong – that rule has been beaten into me.

    Like

  3. markd60 says:

    I don’t even know what I preposition is! I never saw the need for English classes in school. Then I took Spanish and they were talking about nouns and verbs and prepositions and I thought, “I shoulda paid attention in English class”
    Liked this post!

    Like

  4. Carmen Bellefant says:

    There are phone apps for splitting the check. It will add the tip at the prcentage of your choosing and then divide it for you.

    Like

  5. markd60 says:

    Love the vid in Peglegs reply!

    Like

  6. Putting together Ikea furniture.

    Like

  7. This was too funny. I wonder why I’m just finding you now? Anyway, I too learned the hard way about making double-sided copies. I felt like I was that person who still writes checks at the grocery store. I had a big line behind me. I went in like, “how hard can it be”, and now I know…

    too damn hard..

    ~Chappy
    http://www.insaneasylumblog.com

    Like

  8. Your sense of humor resembles mine. I just subscribed to your blog so I can stay tuned to your adventures in life and get my needed dose of laughter!

    Like

  9. hermitsdoor says:

    With my master’s degree, I have had more than one patient call me an “educated fool”, so this post works.
    1) I worked in a campus office during my BS degree, so I majored in photocoping (tests).
    2) My wife swishes stink bugs between her thumb and index finger. I drop them on the ground and stomp. She calls me if she finds one inside, “so you will fee useful”.
    3) I use the little red line to find 50% of my misspelled, words which I look up in my Random (ha, ah) House Dictionary. The other 50% of my typo’s are correctly spelled words, but not those which I want at the point of the sentence.
    4) I suggest, “We’ll pay this time and you pick up the next dinner out”.
    5) If I wore pantyhose, I probably woulnd not have purchased a chainsaw the other day.

    An addition: when our neighbors got milk goats a few years back, they wanted us to learn how to milk them one weekend when they would be away. We got out “How to Raise Milk Goats” and read the chapter on milking goats. When we arrived at their farm to get the lesson, we mentioned that we had read this chapter. They looked at us like “educated fools”.

    Like

  10. 1) Did you also get to photocopy the answer key?!?
    5) I would much rather purchase a chainsaw than to torture myself trying to purchase pantyhose again.

    And I can’t imagine reading a book on “How to Raise Milk Goats”. But I guess more than that, I can’t imagine milking a goat.

    Like

  11. GGRay says:

    I have done the same thing when it comes to killing bugs……Anything, I mean anything in my reach will be used!!!! LOVE IT!

    Like

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