The Raining Queen of Random Thoughts

via Bikram Yoga Columbia

So it’s raining outside. Really hard. Really really hard. Again. And I don’t want to go out in it. So I need an indoor activity. I decide to do yoga in the sunroom. So I’m getting into Sasangasana, also known as the “rabbit pose” (see picture to the right) which isn’t as hard as it might look. The hard part is holding the pose for 60 seconds and not panicking if it becomes difficult to breathe! My attempt appears to be futile. But I’m still trying. And it’s still raining.

So now I’m thinking to myself, “Self, why don’t you think about something else besides this rabbit pose, and then your body might relax more, surprise you, and stay in the correct form without you having to expend too much brain energy?” So then I start to wonder…

Why is it that people say “to make a long story short” but then proceed to give you the FULL story plus the foreword, all the footnotes, and the appendix? It’s not that I don’t care what you have to say, it’s just that my attention span is kinda have you ever tried salt
and pepper potato chips? I don’t like them nearly as much as salt and vinegar potato chips. Actually, I think salt and pepper potato chips might be a bit pointless. And speaking of Melanie Fiona, whatever happened to Fiona Apple? And speaking of apples, Fuji apples and gorgonzola go GREAT together! And while I’m on fruit, I should also mention that minneolas are way cooler than oranges. Even if they don’t look cooler, they taste cooler. Wanna know what else is cool? The word “eigenvalue.” I learned this word at work this week and I’m pretty confident that I won’t need to know it again until the next time I’m on Jeopardy! So in other words, the word eigenvalue is NOT cool and I’m a little angry that it’s taking up space in my brain. I’d like other stuff to be occupying that space right now. You know what else is not cool? Cherry tomatoes. I like the regular size tomatoes and even the roma ones, but not the cherry ones. And I don’t like any tomatoes in my guacamole. It dilutes the flavor. And speaking of guacamole, me and hummus have a strained relationship. We don’t really understand each other. And sometimes, telling lies is okay. Like when you’re meeting a friend for dinner and they call and say “I just sat down at our table. Are you close?” And you say “I’m looking for a parking space right now…” when the truth is…you just stepped out of the shower. This is a special lie that should only be used with close friends when you want to spare their feelings. The truth hurts sometimes. And the truth is, I may have wasted my money on that Spanish class. I took it, but it didn’t take me. The only thing I learned was pollo (chicken), pavo (turkey), and pescado (fish). It’s unfortunate. You know what else is unfortunate? Have you ever seen somebody whose hands and feet were SO ASHY that it made you uncomfortable and you started putting lotion on your own hands or feet? I have…bless their hearts. I should probably go put on lotion right now just thinking about them. And speaking of Paula Deen, if you have nothing better to do with your life, try watching one of her shows with your eyes closed. You will SWEAR that it is Foghorn Leghorn! Go ahead…try it! It works! You know what else works? Those 100 Calorie snack packs. They really hit the spot when you need something to hold you from breakfast till lunch. Especially if you eat four of them.

So it now occurs to me that it’s probably not a coincidence that most of my random thoughts are about food and…I might be hungry. And then it occurs to me that I should have told you in the beginning that I intended to say “Raining Queen” and not “Reigning Queen.” I was trying to be cute because it’s raining outside. Get it? Ha ha. It also
occurs to me that not only am I NOT gonna achieve rabbit pose for the full time today, I’m
not even doing yoga right now…I’m typing on my laptop.

And speaking of rabbits, Happy Easter!!

What random thoughts do you have while trying to get into rabbit pose? Do you like cherry tomatoes? Does hummus understand you? Let me hear from you!

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About Magnet for Foolishness

Resident of the DMV…and my incessant thoughts. Always hungry. Comedy craver. Ice cream freak. Reality TV show junkie. Slightly opinionated. Rarely wrong. Part Lisa Simpson. Part Sue Sylvester. Part Meredith Grey. Renowned chef and baker…avid gardener…pet lover…sometimes liar. Effortlessly forgetful. Always hungry. Blindly hopeful. Easily embarrassed (NOT). Eerily observant. Searching for something. Disregarding parallelism. Chronically tardy. Ruthlessly impatient. Surprisingly affectionate. Unnecessarily long-winded.
This entry was posted in Comedy, culture, Funny, humor, Life, Life plans, paula deen, Personal, pop culture, random, television, thoughts, Uncategorized, writing and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to The Raining Queen of Random Thoughts

  1. If I were to ever even think about rabbit pose, I would likely think about pain, being old and Bugs Bunny, not necessarily in that order.
    Jodi

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  3. Jewel Run says:

    “…Those 100 Calorie snack packs. They really hit the spot when you need something to hold you from breakfast till lunch. Especially if you eat four of them.”

    Sooo funny!! I am known for getting a completely healthy food/snack and somehow making it wholely unhealthy by adding all the wrong things (salt, sugar, etc.) to make it taste better — just another example of why “you can’t take the country outta of the boy!” c:

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  4. Too funny. I don’t do the rabbit pose, but if I did, my random thoughts might be like:

    I gotta fart, but I can’t. Why do people still offer $5.00 for gas to take them somewhere? Why do people out the blue start playing music from their cell phone? Why are people so superstitious? I bet old people leave doo-doo tissue in the garbage can because they think they’ve paid their dues in life. I can’t wait for this fake royal wedding to take place. I thought the UK was supposed to be a democracy? If I don’t pay my storage fee, I might see that ish on storage Wars…

    Nice website.

    ~Chappy
    http://www.insaneasylumblog.com

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  5. pegoleg says:

    Did you ever stop in the middle of a conversation, realize you were way off the original track and try to trace it backwards? “Wait a minute, weren’t we just talking about A; how’d we get here to B?” I prefer to think this sort of mental leap-frogging is the sign of a nimble mind, as opposed to ADHD.

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  6. Quality Joe says:

    just read your blog…actually i’m still reading it and in order to prevent myself from responding to every single thing you posted I ve decided to pick my top 5.

    1st I love tomatoes and i like them in guac (that is one thing…don’t try to count this as two.)

    2nd we should join a conversation group to practice our spanish. There is one that serves free Paella at some restaurant. I can find out if your intersante? and if you know Pavo then your doing pretty damn good.

    3rd I’m not sure why i limited myself to responding to 5 things but i did and now i want to talk about how limiting is really not a good thing and that is why you need to try my special brand of hummus with these wonderful pita chips!

    4th I love the 100 calorie packs…but i only buy them on sale and i stop liking whatever flavor i purchased too many of (mint chocolate chip) and i like the double chocolate cookies by a different brand. So if you need some, i got you!

    5th What kind of music do you like? I think i am going to get some people together to see one of my favorite new artist in a few weeks and i want to invite you…but it will be a Thursday night…so be ready! and I don’t mess with oh i just remembered what my real reason was for writing…i’ve never done yoga but i want to try it!

    Great post!

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  7. I can so relate to this post. I do “mindfullness meditation” and the string of random thoughts that zing through my mind while I’m supposed to be focused on my breath and keeping my mind still are dizzying. Very well written. Bravo!

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  10. catnipkiss says:

    This was funny and not at all about yoga 🙂

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  11. Kelsi says:

    I am sitting here with TEARS running down my face. This blog was HILARIOUS!!! And I used to practice Bikram Yoga, so I’m oh so familiar with the feeling of panic that can wash over you. I’m going to read your other posts. I want to laugh some more!!!! OMG!!! I needed that!!!!

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    • Thanks for reading and commenting, Kelsi! I took another yoga class last night and had a whole new series of thoughts that I need to capture…yoga is good for bloggers!

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      • Kelsi says:

        When I was deeply into Bikram and in the midst of a 30 day challenge, I remember reading about a man who had a mental breakdown when he was away at instructor camp or school or whatever they call it. I think they do three or for classes PER DAY when they are away training. Anyhow, one guy got up and started running around the class yelling “JESUS IS LORD, JESUS IS LORD!!!!” I collapsed in laughter because I saw how he could really be on the verge of losing his mind and cling to the most solid truth he knows. Obviously, he didn’t last or become certified.

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