Sorry. I had to put this picture here to get your attention. We will discuss him later.
So….I’ve had discussions with many people over the years about names and my thoughts on names. Some were surprised by how opinionated I am on the topic. Especially since I don’t have any kids yet. But you know how everybody has their “thing”, right? Well, names are one of my “things”. Again, I feel as if this is one of those topics where everybody THINKS the same thing; I’m just the only one who SAYS it. As I started composing this, I came across a post about names from another blogger that I thought was interesting [I wanted to link it here, but still haven’t figured out how…] so it compelled me to go ahead and publish this post. Let me apologize now for being unapologetic because I’m about to give you my views on how all children should be named in the future. Can’t do much about the ones who are already here, but BOY I wish I could. So here is my guide on how to name your kids:
I strongly endorse names that sound like royalty. For example: Alexander, Caesar, Diane/Diana, Grace, Jacqueline (if you pronounce it the French way like JOCK-LEEEEN and not the American way like JACK-KWU-LIN).
I also like names that actually have some type of royalty IN them. For example: Princeton or Kingston. What better way to set your son up for success than giving him a ROYAL name?
I like ‘snazzy’ names for a boy that have a ‘z’ in them: Alonzo, Lorenzo, Denzel (yes, I said Denzel), Chazz.
I’ve been known to tolerate a Greek god in my day i.e. ADONIS!!
I dig names related to Presidents I like: Kennedy (for a girl), Chelsea, and Sasha (see also the ‘Diva’ section)
Diva section: Sasha (NOTHING to do with Beyonce…purely coincidental), Eva (see also the girly, feminine section)
Girly/feminine section: (ha! Sounds like an aisle in a grocery store, doesn’t it?) Eva, Isabella, Gabrielle, Natalie
Girl names that sound melodic…like a song or a dance: Nadia, Gwendolyn, Aaliyah
An old-school girl’s name that’s making a comeback: Sophia
Boy’s names that are simple, yet classic: Michael, Christopher, Nicholas
A boy’s name turned into a pretty girl’s name by adding ‘ne’ at the end to make it feminine: Ryanne.
Sounds like a girl’s name, but it’s an acceptable boy’s name if you spell it right: Loren
A cool girl’s name that has always been cool and will always be cool: Nicole 😉
So that’s it. All the names that you should consider if you are having a kid in 2011. I may revise this list in the future. And I will refrain from listing all the names I think should be avoided, and the reasons why. For example, I won’t mention that…
If you want to have a son that gets pulverized on the playground everyday from ages 0-18, name him Ashley, Leslie, Kelly, Lindsay, or Sandy. But Loren is acceptable if you spell it right.
If you want to increase the likelihood that your daughter will grow up to be a stripper, name her Angel, Destiny, Charisma, Magenta, or Fantasia.
If you want a boy who will likely owe you money and probably never pay it back, name him something with “r” as the third letter in the name. For example, Earl, Marvin, Tyrone, or Darnell. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule. Again, Loren is cool, as is Lorenzo. Also, Barack is excluded from this rule. 😉
If you want your daughter to make a sex tape, name her Kimberly, Paris, or Pamela. Sorry. I couldn’t resist this one.
If you want your kid to NOT be the CEO of a company, give them a name with a “q” in it. For example, Shequan, Dequan, Lequan, etc. etc. Exceptions to this rule include the “Q” at the beginning of the name like Quincy or a nice French name like Dominique or Monique. They could probably be CEOs.
Please don’t give your daughter a 98 year old woman’s name – Agnes, Gertrude, Louise, Bernice, Doris.
Don’t feel obligated to keep yucky names in the family. There is no need for juniors, the thirds, the fourths and anything else if it’s a crappy name!! There are some things you don’t have control over like last names, but you definitely have the power to STOP THE VICIOUS CYCLE with first and middle names. PLEASE EXERCISE THAT POWER!!
Don’t name all of your kids the same thing. You want all your kids to have their own unique identity, right? So why would you give them all the same initials? So unnecessary. Or names that rhyme? I have never understood why parents think this is cute. Especially if you have twins….they already look alike, why do their names have to sound alike, too?
Please don’t risk naming your kid something ludicrous because you hope that they will have the fame of that particular person: i.e. Beyonce, Condoleezza, or Kanye. Resist that urge.
Don’t name your kid a nickname. Nicknames are fine, but they are NICKnames and shouldn’t be the actual name on the birth certificate. For example, name your son Joseph and call him Joe…don’t name him Joe. Call your daughter Katie, but name her Katherine.
Don’t give your kid the same first and last name. I can’t believe I actually have to say this, but I do. Thomas Thomason. William Williams. Robert Robertson. All examples of names you should not curse your sons with.
And finally….I know this is a sore spot for a lot of people, but I can’t end without saying it. If you decide to name your child Derek, please spell it correctly. It is spelled Derek. Not Derrick.
THESE are derricks.
THESE are Dereks.
If your name is Derrick, please contact whoever it is that issues birth certificates and let them know that your mother misspelled your name and you need to get it changed.
Random thought: You know the rapper Wale (from D.C….the one who KILLED IT on Waka Flocka Flame’s “No Hands”)?? His real name (according to Wikipedia) is Olubowale Victor Akintimehin. I’d probably go by Wale, too.
Deep thought: “Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.”—John F. Kennedy
I’d love to hear your thoughts about names…..