New Year’s Resolutions (2011)

Please enjoy this lame clipart.

 

 

 

I’m sharing these with the world so you can hold me accountable. If you catch me not doing this stuff in 2011, please call me out on it.

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

1) Check my mail more than twice a month. This is probably one of the worst, most persistent habits I have. I forget to/don’t want to/get annoyed by checking the mail. I have tons and tons AND TONS of mail I need to go through and I plan to spend the entire rest of the week doing this. Oh and THANKS, by the way if you sent me a Christmas card. I just checked the mail today for the first time in….a while….and I’m reading them now.

 

2) Do not risk my health and LIFE for social networking. Currently, I update my Facebook status or blog post wherever and whenever I see foolishness.  Whether it’s in the middle of a crosswalk, on the ab roller at the gym, or WHEREVER. So I’m lying on this ab roller and ain’t moved or burned NAN calorie but I’ve created two new posts in my head. Please! Check me on this!!!

 

3) Go to the grocery store on a regular basis. This habit is also pretty persistent. Or inconsistent. Or whatever…you know what I’m trying to say. I can’t tell you how many times I make out a list and head to the grocery store, but pass a Fuddruckers or Boston Market on the way to the store, get food, and make it back home TOTALLY forgetting that my original goal was to go to the grocery store.I vow to do better in 2011.

 

4) Remember to put deodorant under BOTH arms. Trust me. A lot happens between the time when you put deodorant under one arm and make it to the other arm. I’m watching the news, trying to make sure that nothing crazy is going on at the Pentagon since I pass through there on my way to work, thinking about what I’m gonna wear and if I need to iron it (of course a smart person would have figured that out the night before, but whatever), trying to make sure that I lotion up real good, thinking about if I have time to make a bowl of cereal or should I just go to Starbuck’s and get a donut on my way in.

 

5) Remove the word “like” from my vocabulary. I’m really gonna need your help with this one. I find myself saying “and I was like…” or “and then we were like…”…DUDE!! Where did that come from? I’m so over it.

 

6) At work, only take the elevator from now on. No more stairs. Since my office is on the second floor, I generally take the stairs up one level to my office in the morning and down when I go out for lunch or leave for the day. But lately, if I have meetings in other parts of the building on other floors, I’ve been taking the stairs as well. But I’m not doing that anymore. Because the stairwells stink. In one week, I endured multiple stairwells that smelled like feet, breath, coffee, swimming pool, and magic marker…respectively. And I don’t like ANY of those smells. Soooo..…elevator only from now on.

 

7) Be more prepared. Make sure that I have mace and a flash drive with my résumé on it on my person at all times. In case someone wants to attack me. Or give me a job.

 

8 ) Find out who does Michelle Obama’s eyebrows. And then tell them to stop. Hopefully I will be able to accomplish this one in early 2011. Don’t get me wrong…I LOVE Michelle. I love her hips…..her arms….her style…..her husband. Oh, and her kids. And her husband. But sometimes, she can look a bit joker-esque. I started to post some pictures here, but I don’t have to because YOU ALREADY KNOW what I’m talking about. She seems to have a natural arch and doesn’t need that much extra help. I wonder if she could get the number of Oprah’s eyebrow dude? I’m not certain it’s a dude, but I just feel like it is….

 

9)Invest in some good pillows. Body pillows, neck pillows, etc. etc. I must sleep pretty rough-like cuz I go through (what I thought) were decent pillows, mattresses, and fiber beds like water. SUGGESTIONS WELCOME. I gotta figure out a way to get some good, quality sleep in 2011.

 

10) Invent some stuff. I know that this is vague, but I don’t want to be too specific because someone more industrious than I am might steal my ideas….and I got some GOOD ones!! Some of them are a la Snuggie (i.e. the backwards robe) but if you’re being completely honest with yourself, you have to admit that this invention was pretty gangsta…

 

I’m forgoing the random and deep thoughts again this week. But I want to know….what are YOUR new year’s resolutions?

 

 

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About Magnet for Foolishness

Resident of the DMV…and my incessant thoughts. Always hungry. Comedy craver. Ice cream freak. Reality TV show junkie. Slightly opinionated. Rarely wrong. Part Lisa Simpson. Part Sue Sylvester. Part Meredith Grey. Renowned chef and baker…avid gardener…pet lover…sometimes liar. Effortlessly forgetful. Always hungry. Blindly hopeful. Easily embarrassed (NOT). Eerily observant. Searching for something. Disregarding parallelism. Chronically tardy. Ruthlessly impatient. Surprisingly affectionate. Unnecessarily long-winded.
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6 Responses to New Year’s Resolutions (2011)

  1. Cardell says:

    What about learning how to make the HT Red Velvet?!!! I need some competition 😉

    Like

  2. Pingback: Introverts vs. Extroverts: It’s Time to Set the Record Straight | Magnet for Foolishness

  3. Katie says:

    Number 7 made me giggle 🙂

    Like

  4. Pingback: The obligatory (and tardy) New Year’s Resolution post | Magnet for Foolishness™

  5. Pingback: Let’s Get Real: New Year’s Resolutions for 2013 That I Can Actually Keep | Magnet for Foolishness™

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