Yesterday, I read a book.

Or actually….I didn’t read it. I just bought it. And by bought it, I mean I tried to buy it. I went to Borders with good intentions. And even though those parking spaces were super narrow (I spent about 10 minutes trying to make sure I was between the lines), I didn’t give up. I walked in the store super confident—not just because I was in between the lines, but because last week, Borders e-mailed me a coupon for 50 percent off one book….and I had a feeling I was going to find a fabulous one! And because I understand that reading is fundamental, I was in search of something deep…something that could help me grow as a person and change the world. Its funny, though, because I found myself in the cook book section….then the magazines….then the calendars. So I thought, “Maybe I’m not ready to be deep yet.” So I decided to leave without a book and try again another day. But before I left, I wanted to confirm with the sales lady that when they scanned my Borders membership card, the coupon they e-mailed me would show up on my account and I’d automatically be credited with the 50 percent off discount. She explained that this wasn’t the case, I would need to print the coupon off and bring it in. She also explained that Black Friday coupons were only good on Black Friday. Who knew?

My mind has now decided to occupy itself with other things. But I can never get the time back that I spent driving to Borders in all this holiday traffic, looking for a parking space (in all this holiday traffic), parking in that tiny parking space, and shopping for the book. Not to mention all the time I spent hyping myself up to read the book. So the next time I decide to do something uncharacteristic like read a book, I have an emergency plan all laid out of things that I will do instead:

1) Have a kid.

2) Play with said kid. Like take it to the park and stuff. Or somewhere like Pizza Hut. Or better yet, McDonald’s so it can get a Happy Meal. With a toy. Unless I happen to be in San Francisco, then it will just be the meal. Cuz I wouldn’t want the kid to get obese. Because the toy is definitely what makes the kid obese.

3) Join the Boy Scouts. Cuz I really want to learn how to start a fire in my fireplace. I’ve lived in my condo for over 2 years so it’s about time I use that thing. Since I’m paying for it.

4) Go to the grocery store. Cuz I still haven’t been since my last post when I said I was going to go…and its starting to get a little ridiculous. Today, I had to eat some tap water. And that is unacceptable.

5) Do some research on the criteria for being a judge on Iron Chef America. And then apply to be a judge on Iron Chef America.

6) Take some dance lessons in case I ever wanna be on Dancing with the Stars. Oh yeah, and in case I become a star.  I will have to be really good to get my own votes since my mommy isn’t in the tea party.

Random thought: Doesn’t it seem weird that if Eazy-E were alive today, he would be 47 years old?? When I do the math on that, that makes me realize that I really was too young to be listening to his music when he was alive. Now I feel fast.

Deep thought: “Good judgment comes from experience, and experience — well, that comes from poor judgment.” –Anonymous

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About Magnet for Foolishness

Resident of the DMV…and my incessant thoughts. Always hungry. Comedy craver. Ice cream freak. Reality TV show junkie. Slightly opinionated. Rarely wrong. Part Lisa Simpson. Part Sue Sylvester. Part Meredith Grey. Renowned chef and baker…avid gardener…pet lover…sometimes liar. Effortlessly forgetful. Always hungry. Blindly hopeful. Easily embarrassed (NOT). Eerily observant. Searching for something. Disregarding parallelism. Chronically tardy. Ruthlessly impatient. Surprisingly affectionate. Unnecessarily long-winded.
This entry was posted in Comedy, culture, Funny, humor, Life, Life plans, Personal, pop culture, random, reality TV, Relationships, television, thoughts, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Yesterday, I read a book.

  1. Sumer says:

    This blog is my all time fave so far cause it always has me in tears!

    Like

  2. Pingback: Happy Birthablogiversary! | Magnet for Foolishness™

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