Let me start by saying that I don’t have a lot of experience with Jacuzzis. So what might be common knowledge to some people, I was not aware of. Like, for example, when you turn the water on in a Jacuzzi… apparently, the water needs to reach a certain level in the tub BEFORE you turn the jets on. I didn’t know that. The jets were the first thing I turned on! So here I am wondering why there is no action and little did I know that in a few seconds when the water level finally reached the jets, there would be a hurricane INSIDE my room! I kinda flooded the whole room. I mean, the curtains were SOAKED, the dining room table was wet, the comforter on the bed was wet, my suitcase and all the clothes I hadn’t already taken out of it got soaked….you get the picture. I went from thinking “OMG! I’m gonna sue the pants off this resort for almost making me drown myself with this Jacuzzi!” to thinking “OMG! I hope this resort doesn’t charge me for damages to this flooded room!” I called room service, half screaming and half laughing:
“How do you say “towels” in Spanish?! I need more towels up here IMMEDIATELY! Like RIGHT NOW! My room is flooding…”
“Ma’am, I only have FOUR…”
“However many towels you have, I need them ALL! NOW!”
“But I only have FOUR!”
“Well, bring me those four! Just HURRY! OMG! VAMANOS!”
“Ma’am! I SAID I ONLY HAVE FOOD! You called room service…I only have FOOD! If you need towels, you need to call maid service!”
“Oh.…[insert long, awkward pause here]….Thanks.”
So I called maid service and asked them to bring me towels as soon as possible. Once I got myself together, I managed to get the water turned off. I had to empty out my suitcase and put it on the balcony to dry out. But since it hurricaned on the balcony, the suitcase never really dried out. And we’ll talk about this more later, but while I was hanging out on the balcony, I discovered that there are frogs the size of crickets. Didn’t know that. And really wish that I didn’t know it now, but I do. More to come on the frogs…
Anyway, while waiting for them to bring the towels, I decided to use the hair dryer to dry stuff. The curtains were pretty thin so they dried quickly, but it took a while to get the bed skirt dry. By the time I was done and everything had calmed down, there was a knock on the door…maid service brought me two towels. TWO.
The next day, my friends and I found a bunch of hurricane-resistant activities to indulge in. By night fall, I headed back to my room. Got to the door and discovered that my room key had been deactivated! I wanted to call the concierge to bring me a new key, but calling from my cell phone would have cost a jillion dollars. It was late and dark, so I didn’t want to walk all the way back to the main desk. None of the employees rolling around in the raggedy golf carts I previously told you about were anywhere to be found, so I decided it was time to make friends with my neighbors. There was a half-dressed woman (half-dressed meaning she had on a slip) standing outside her room smoking a cigarette. I didn’t want to deal with her half-dressededness or her cigarette smoke, but she was my only hope. I approached her reluctantly and started explaining my situation. At that point, I didn’t even know if she understood English but I hoped she did. I asked her if she would call the concierge for me and I would wait outside for him to arrive. Turns out she was British and understood me just fine. She invited me into her room to call the front desk myself. Again, I was reluctant, but I didn’t have many other options.
So I went into her room only to find another half-dressed lady lying on the bed, smoking a cigarette…